Hoarse, but worth it...

This was probably the most jam-packed weekend of the semester so far! But also one of the best. On Friday, I left early from work to go with 15 of our youth to the our annual Youth Advance, at a ranch outside of Erie, PA. There were only 3 girls, but that made our interactions that much more fun, intense, and bonding, and created space for vulnerability that wouldn't have been there in a larger group. We went on a horseback trail ride, made it through their team-building low ropes course, shot archery, and learned how to throw tomahawks (!!!!!) - when I finally managed to embed one of them in the log target, I just about burst my buttons. I felt like Sully, on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman! Well, except I don't think I have his deadly accuracy... :) But besides having fun, we also did a lot of talking, sharing, and learning, under our theme of "What on earth am I here for?" You should have seen how some of them responded! How is it that You are loved with an everlasting Love, and you were made to love and be loved can be so new and incredible and simple and revolutionary, and yet also so hard to live out? You'd think that, for some of them, it was the first time they had really heard that they were worth something - worth so much, in fact, that the perfect Son of God would die the most humiliating death in the world for them. And it was amazing to see how they started acting differently towards each other when they started realizing that, the same things that made them valuable, also made everyone else in the room valuable! The insults and teasing decreased, there was more generosity, more grace, more kindness...I hope it doesn't just stay at the ranch, but that we'll continue to see it manifest at youth group tonight!

So, thoroughly exhausted after that (although very content), I went to a 2-hour rehearsal for our Easter musical, then straight from there to the Casting Crowns/Nichole Nordeman/Josh Bates concert at St. Bonaventure's with Laura & Walter. WOW!!!! But it was all worth it. The concert was phenomenal, and all my exhaustion evaporated in the excitement of being in a packed-out gym on a (mostly) secular campus singing praises to the Almighty God, Maker and Sustainer of all things! It was so great that one of the first people on stage was one of the friars from their friary, welcoming everyone there in his brown robe, standing right next to the drumset and electric guitar. :)

Katrina and I always tease each other that all the music the other one likes sounds the same...for me, even though I like all sorts of music, there is one genre that I really love, which basically consists of a guy and his guitar. Hence, if you go through my music collection, you will find a very large selection of such music...(Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Chris Rice, Shane & Shane, Bebo Norman, to name a few)...which is why it made me so happy when for the opening act, Josh Bates walked onto the stage with an acoustic guitar and stood at the center stage mic, by himself, with his guitar. There he was, all curly-haired and 23 years old and singing songs that he had composed himself about life and God, and then when he pulled out his mandolin and started playing these ridiculous licks, I think I would've started drooling right then and there if the 6-year-old kid sitting behind me hadn't accidentally kicked me in the back...So I now join the ranks of those-who-have-small-crushes-on-people, along with Rachel Schumacher and Dave Steele...except I'm slightly more pathetic, 'cause I never actually MET Josh Bates. But he DOES know I exist!

You see, at intermission of the Casting Crowns part of the concert, Mark Hall (the lead singer) asked all the people who work in youth ministry to come to a room backstage to get some materials that they put out, and also to invite us to participate in the concert as prayer team/altar counselors. So I got a bag with response cards and pencils and stood in my aisle and gave the cards to people to fill out as they responded to the speaker, and prayed with them. But before this time came, the concert was still going on, but my friend Hilary and I couldn't get back to our seats, so we just hung out in the empty balcony right next to where we had met with Mark Hall, and watched the rest of the concert from there. We were right next to the stage, and so we got a great view of all the stuff going on behind the scenes, from all the people at the sound and video boards to the artists getting ready to go back onstage. (At one point, I was standing right next to the railing and Nichole Nordeman was 15 feet below me on the floor directly under us!) Well, at one point during the second half of the concert Josh Bates strapped on his mandolin and joined the band onstage for a few songs, and at this point in time Hil and I are singing along, with nobody else within about 50 feet of us, and when Josh turned towards us we waved, and he smiled. And for the whole rest of the time he was up there, he kept turning towards us and playing and singing at us. And only us. So, for at least 10 minutes, he knew I existed. And I'm pathetic, I know. Laugh at me! I laugh at myself! But, come on, you've got to admit that it's fun to entertain, even for a day, the thought of dating someone who is on a music tour across the country, to be able to pop in a CD and say, "Oh, by the way, this amazing music we're listening to? Yeah, I'm dating him..." *insert silly, impish grin here*

OK, OK, so all Jr. High-ness aside, even without Josh Bates, the weekend and the concert were phenomenal, smashing, and unforgettable! No words or pictures do it justice.

Time for a change of scenery...

I know! *gasp* It isn't GREEN? Ah, you thought that everything I owned was green, didn't you? Well, you are almost right. Except I decided to change things up...at least for a little while...maybe I'll start missing green so much I'll bring it back. Or maybe I'll fall in love with another colour and expand my colour palette, much to the delight of many of you. :)

An update on my weekend is coming soon...

St. Patrick's Day trivia...

Did you know that, this year, the Catholic Church officially made an exception to its Lenten Friday meat ban for St. Patrick's Day? Yep, that's right. Apparently, corned beef and other meaty delicacies are too important on this day to give up. That would be like asking them to give up beer for today! Absolutely inconceivable! So I guess Friday fish fry might be moved to Saturday this week... :)

I have never known the meaning of hunger. Or thirst. I wish there were some way to transport the abundant water from the spring in my backyard to these 3.7 million people who have none. If only it were that simple...

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up
And warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace may be another world away
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please...
(~Nichole Nordeman)

On my way to work today, I passed a Hummer on Route 19. I think that's the first time I've ever seen one of those completely unnecessary and superfluous vehicles in Allegany County. And it made me so mad! How is it that just the sight of one measly 4-wheeled vehicle can affect me so much? I almost wanted to "accidentally" hit it. (Except I don't think my Talullah would've done much damage...) Maybe I need some practice in patience.

raindrops keep falling on my head...

earlier today water was pouring down from the sky, and now it's drizzling outside, and if there were any doubts in your mind before about how i feel about rain, let it be known that i have definitively decided - i love rain! why do i love rain? well, let me tell you!

• the amazingly soothing sound it makes on the roof
• the way it beads up on the windows, and runs down the panes of glass in tiny rivulets
• the smell of rain...sigh...
• the smell after the rain
• the puddles, oh, the puddles!
• the soft, springy feeling of the ground when you go for a walk after it's rained
• standing outside in the rain, with my face turned up to the sky, eyes closed, letting it wash over me from head to toe
• the fact that it washes my car for me :)
• the way it makes everything greener
• lightning! so beautiful...
• the way thunder rattles the window panes
• the silence after a storm is done, and then the birds start chirping again
  
• i even love the worms that come crawling out onto the sidewalk when it rains...
  
• and when rain is coming down from the sky, it means it's warm! no freezing on its way through the atmosphere! :)
  

Wonderful find of the day:

http://stoneworkjournal.blogspot.com/ - An online literary/art journal published by Prof. John Leax, David Huth, and several Houghton Writing students. Wonderful. You should look into it sometime. I wish I could write like that...

Feliz Dia Internacional da Mulher!

Last year, on International Women's Day, I was talking to someone who was (half-jokingly) indignant about the fact that there's a Women's Day, but no Men's Day. At which point, said person (who happened to be a man) was not-so-gently reminded by every woman in the room that EVERY day of the year is Men's Day. For example, we celebrate national holidays on the birthdays of important people in our history, such as Presidents, and ALL of them are men! Since we haven't had any women as President, I guess I can't complain too much on that count... But we also have Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, to celebrate his contribution to the civil rights movement - so why don't we also have a day celebrating the contributions to the women's rights movement? I mean, would it be that unreasonable to have Elizabeth Cady Stanton Day, or Susan B. Anthony Day? :) (This is just me getting on my soapbox...hehehe...)

Anyways, for all you women out there, happy Women's Day! And for all you wonderful women in my life - Amy, Katrina, Rachel, Michelle, Tegan, Carina, Deanna, Cherith, Amy Rogers, Mom, Grandma, Laura, Karen, Aunt Cindy, Aunt Susan, Christine, Aunt Jodi, Jillian...and so many more - I am so thankful for you, so blessed by you! I am a better woman because of you. Here's to you!

A man is a great thing upon the earth, and through eternity--but
every jot of the greatness of man is unfolded out of woman,
First the man is shaped in the woman, he can then be shaped in
himself.

Walt Whitman :)

I just couldn't resist...

Most of you probably know that I need very little incentive to talk, or write, or even think, extensively on any issue. And for that reason, in response to Sam's comment on my last post, I will gladly offer more of my thoughts on Lent and sacrifice! :) Thanks, Sam, for your thoughts. And for your invitation to dialogue...be careful! You just might get what you asked for! (*grins*)

Part of me, like you, cringes at seeing Lenten vows become more like New Year's resolutions than sacrifices pleasing to a Holy God. I don't want this season to be my excuse to get rid of all the excesses I'm not motivated enough to get rid of during the rest of the year! That's like all the times I've arrived at church forgetting it's Communion Sunday, then upon seeing the bread & wine on the table at the front of the sanctuary, spending the first part of the service madly sorting through my heart in search for all the sins I may not have confessed so that I can partake without the weight of a guilty conscience. (And I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's ever done that before...) The "binging and purging" mentality so many people have of Christianity turns my stomach, and it makes me even more disgusted when I turn around the magnifying glass and see it in my own self. (And I'm afraid I see it in myself more often than I'd care to admit...) I don't want to use Christ's sacrifice as a salve for my guilty conscience - the Word did not become flesh in order to make me feel better about my life, but to draw all people to the Father, as a thief to steal the hearts of men and women and even children. To build a Kingdom on grace and love. To show us just how holy God created us to be, how devastatingly we all fall short, and then turn around and pave the way for us to be made holy through His own blood and His Spirit.

A love that is based on sacrifice is somewhat foreign to this world - or at least partly. We're OK when someone sacrifices out of love for us. But when we're called to sacrifice, that's quite another story! And yet when I think about sacrifice in the Christian life, I can't help but come up with two different kinds of sacrifice. One is the sacrifice of the "old self", the getting rid of things that are truly hindrances, the sifting and pulling and burning away the things that are unpleasing to God. This is a very necessary sacrifice, one we are called to make as followers of Christ! But this is not where it ends. We aren't only called to sacrifice the things we'd be glad to get rid of. We are also called to sacrifice good things - the best things, as you so well pointed out, things that we love and hold dear. This is the truest of all truths! The cost of discipleship is high, and it requires ALL of us, not just part; the surrendering of ALL things for the sake of gaining Christ. It involves being led where we may not want to go, as Jesus told Peter. And, for Lent, I think it is particularly significant that we give up something we enjoy.

Honestly, one of the main reasons I am giving up caffeinated beverages is because I enjoy them. A lot! I mean, I love chocolate, but I honestly don't eat it very often (maybe once a week, if I'm lucky), so it would feel kind of small to give up something I already mostly do without, anyways. Coffee, on the other hand, I drink every day, more than once. And while I have been realizing, now that I've stopped consuming caffeine, that I rely on it a lot more than I thought (as evidenced by my much-more-frequent yawning throughout the day...), I mostly just miss the taste of coffee, the feel of the warm mug in my hand while I'm answering the phone here at work, the comfortable part it has in my daily routine. Which is why I'm not even drinking decaf coffee during Lent. The awareness of my dependence on caffeine has certainly been eye-opening, and it is helping me learn what my limitations really are, (how much sleep I really need! hehehe...) but the primary purpose of my fast is not to get rid of something in my life that I see as being bad. It is because I live a fairly simple life, and there are very few things in which I take pleasure that are not crucial to my existence, my sanity, and my emotional/spiritual well-being at this point in time. I don't think that giving up any kind of food would be healthy for me right now, because I've been having a hard enough time eating healthily recently due to a lot of emotional stress. Other things I really enjoy? People - definitely can't give up people. :) Reading - I live alone, so if I gave up reading, I'd be stuck alone with my thoughts for far more time than I already do, and with where I'm at right now, that wouldn't be healthy, either. Music - I'd thought about it, but then again, I live alone, and music is one of the key ways in which I worship, in which I keep my focus on God instead of getting trapped in my own mind, thinking about things that would be best left alone. I gave up coffee so that, in missing something that I truly enjoy, which is part of my routine every day, I will have a reminder, whenever I crave it or miss it, that I need Christ in my routine that much more. And not just as another part of my routine, but permeating every single part of my routine. That, in the end, is the point of any sacrifice, I think - not the thing that is given up per se, but rather the space that is created in our hearts and lives for God to fill us more fully. Is that not what the Psalmist says? "'I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills'...You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." He doesn't want the things that I give up for Him. He doesn't need those things. He wants the ME, the YOU, that can be more fully His when we give up those things. When we sacrifice the bad habits AND the good things, to create more room in our lives for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to work and make us anew day by day.

Holy Spirit, come restore, renew! That is my Lenten prayer - only a magnification of what I long to be my prayer every day - "Lord, I lay all of me down as a sacrifice to You today. Take whatever pieces of me You need to take. Only give me Your love, Yourself, in return. Use me as You see fit." As Dan Holcomb put it so well, perhaps after a lifetime of Ash Wednesdays and Lenten seasons, that prayer will become ingrained in the whole of my life.

So there you have it, Sam - those are some of my thoughts, although I'm sure I could go on for a lot longer... :)

Are you giving anything up for Lent this year?

I didn't start doing it until I came to college, because I didn't really understand why it was important, what Lent was and what it meant to give something up for it. I thought of Easter mainly as a celebration, and didn't think too much about the church's 40-day season of penitence and mourning that comes before it. But I have been learning to love this season, the silence, the meditation, the reflection, the shedding rid of superfluous things to focus on Christ. As far as I can understand it, these are the main reasons why we sacrifice something or abstain from something for Lent:

as a discipline for learning self-control, to free our minds from the chase after material things,

as a reminder of Christ's sufferings and what our true pleasures are as followers of Christ,

as an act of sorrow over our sin.

Would you call me crazy if I told you that I even craved this season of denial? It is refreshing to be free. It is good to be reminded that there is a season for mourning. But that even in the midst of our mourning, we mourn as those who have hope, a sorrow that coexists with joy.

So, it is decided. I will give up coffee for Lent this year. And any sort of caffeinated beverage. (I say beverage because if I said ALL caffeine that would mean chocolate, too! I can do either/or, but not both at once...) So no more perpetual cup of coffee here on my desk next to my left hand. And no more Earl Grey tea after dinner as I curl up on the couch with a book...hmm...maybe I'll have to procure some decaf Earl Grey...But don't worry, I won't cheat and do decaf coffee, too. Coffee is completely out for the next 40 days. It will be a good reminder - whenever I reach for my coffee mug during the day and it isn't there, hopefully it will remind me to pray, to praise, to be mindful of my state and my need to reach for God, for Him to reach for me.

Now, just like in Christian discipleship it isn't enough just to be emptied of all sin, but to also be filled up with Christ's righteousness, the point of giving up something for Lent isn't necessarily the sacrifice. It's the change in us that happens when we sacrifice. It's the room that is freed up, when we pare down unnecessaries and simplify, to be filled with good things. Like prayer, reconciliation, service...So along those same lines, in addition to giving up caffeinated drinks, I'm also adding in regular exercise - 3x a week. That's right, baby! I'll go running this week for the first time this year! :)

So, are you giving anything up for Lent this year? Not that I'm trying to pressure you, or anything - I'm just curious about what kinds of things other people do. :)

So, speaking of procrastination, I think I got MAYbe half of the things on my list done this weekend...My house is what suffered the most neglect, with my kitchen and bedroom still appallingly messy...But, on the other hand, the housekeeping done in my heart was much more profitable! And probably much more needed, too...Conversation with friends and family, the fellowship of the Body, laughter, a solid sermon from Pastor Jon, an evening and afternoon playing with small children. I'm still chewing on a G.K. Chesterton quote that Pastor Jon mentioned:

The problem isn't that the Christian ideal has been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

And I can't help but wonder - am I really trying it? Or am I playing it safe because that hurts less, requires less of me?

Procrastination...

So I've always been a procrastinator. All of you who knew me in college know this very well! Pushing the deadlines on papers, burning the candle at both ends to get everything done on time, camping out at the library during the last few weeks of school working on those big papers that we had all semester to work on...Well, in some ways, I guess I thought that after college my procrastination would go away, because I don't have papers and tests and deadlines any more. But for all of you procrastinators out there, you know that the opposite is, in fact, true - when there are no deadlines, procrastination gets WORSE! So I make deadlines for myself. And then, knowing that there are no consequences if I break my self-imposed deadlines, I push them back a little farther. Then I realize that I need to start giving myself consequences, or implementing a reward system, otherwise my motivation would be ZERO! For example, I tell myself, "Becca, you can't watch those new episodes of Gilmore Girls that just arrived from Netflix until you wash all the dishes in the sink and clean out Shelby's cage." The problem comes when I decide that I can get my reward now for doing the work later. For example, I could instead tell myself, "Becca, your reward for washing dishes and cleaning Shelby's cage is Gilmore Girls. But it's Friday night and you're tired, and you know that you're going to do those things tomorrow, so you can just watch Gilmore Girls tonight instead." Danger, Will Robinson! :) So the moral of the story is that it's harder than I thought to be self-motivated. But it feels so good when I actually do it right, in the right order, with the task first and the reward later! So that makes it all worth it. Except I'm still a procrastinator. For example, here is my list of...

Things to do this weekend:

1. Babysit for Jadyn Mucher tonight.
2. Bake bread tomorrow morning.
3. Finally finish and mail that letter to Rachel...that I started forever and a day ago...
4. Finally mail that card to Michelle...
5. Finally clean my room, that is currently submerged in piles of clothing (I don't think I've put anything in a drawer in 2 loads of laundry - it just goes from the clean laundry basket to my body to the dirty laundry basket, or the pile of I've-worn-this-once-but-it-doesn't-need-to-be-washed-yet pile. For all of you who don't have such a pile, you don't know what you're missing. It saves so much laundry-doing!) :)
6. Finally finish reading The Catcher in the Rye, which I had given up during my brief yearly foray back into the world of Narnia.
7. Finally go for a wintry walk near my house, to discover where all the snow-covered country roads actually lead.
8. Bake lots of goodies so that I have "planned-overs" in my fridge this week for Amy, Katrina, and myself to munch on.
9. Pray.
10. Replace the lightbulb in my other headlight, that is now burnt out like the other one was a few months ago, except this one isn't as easy to replace because the angles to get to it are all funny.
11. Work on what I'll be saying when I speak in youth group on Wednesday, about what drives your life.
12. Sleep...lots and lots of sleep... :)

Do you ever have one of those days when the urge to laugh and the urge to cry are equally strong? When you're not sure whether to run outside and dance a jig in the sunshine or to sit inside curled up under a blanket with a book? Whether to talk or just sit back and watch everyone else around you...whether to go to people or wait for them to come to you...whether to go out and change the world for Christ or to rest and allow myself to be changed by Him...whether to sit or stand or kneel or hug or shout or sing or lie down and fall into a very restful sleep? Well, today is one of those days for me. I bet it probably makes it very interesting for the people who work with me... :)

Thought for the day:

"Hope that is seen is no hope at all," Paul told the Romans. He mentions some of the good things that might come out of difficulties: "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." He lists hope at the end, instead of where I would normally expect it, at the beginning, as the fuel that keeps a person going. No, hope emerges from the struggle, a byproduct of faithfulness.

As for faith, it will always mean believing in what cannot be proven, committing to that of which we can never be sure. A person who lives in faith must proceed on incomplete evidence, trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse. As Dennis Covington has written, "Mystery is not the absence of meaning, but the presence of more meaning than we can comprehend."
~Philip Yancey, Reaching for the Invisible God

I think this may be the hardest part of faith, the blindness of it all. A blindness that comes not from emptiness, but from a fullness that is too full for me, a brightness that is too bright for these dim eyes to see except in very small doses, reflected and refracted and diffused. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain." And sometimes, when I ask God to reveal His plan to me, I realize that maybe I don't really want to know it all now. I don't think I could handle it. I might be like Sarah, and laugh, or like Moses, and claim inadequacy. Sometimes I wish things would make sense in advance. But then we wouldn't need faith. And everyone in their right mind would commit their lives to Christ, because there would be certainty in Him, clear-cut answers and paths and directions. It is so much harder to trust in advance what only makes sense in reverse. But here's the difference: the value is not only in the end, where the path is leading, but also in the process, in who we are becoming along the way. "The testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." If we knew ahead of time, we might walk a little straighter, stumble less, but would we really be becoming more like Christ? That task is infinitely harder. But infinitely better.

This is me today:

'Cause Amy & Katrina are getting back in 3 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hip, hip, hooray!!!!!!!!

Life without electricity...

So today I realized what my life would be like without electricity, and the amount of stuff that I wouldn't be able to do was scary! I discovered this when I woke up late because the power had gone out and my alarm didn't go off...so, after much pondering about how much I rely on this amazing phenomenon of moving electrons, here are the things that can't happen in Becca's house/life when the power is out:

1) Waking up! No alarm clock, no wakey-wakey...
2) Showers! Water pump and water heater are both electric...so I'd be very dirty...
3) Eating! No refrigerator, no microwave, no stove...hmm...that leaves dry cereal and cold stuff out of cans and PB&J...
4) Staying warm! All my heat is electric baseboard heating. And I don't have a fireplace. So without electricity, I would freeze...
5) Driving anywhere! Not only does my car use electricity to start, I also can't get out of my garage without the electric garage door opener. At least I haven't figured out how to do it another way...
6) Entertainment! For the most part, I'm usually only at home when it's dark out. So there's only so much that one can do by oneself by candlelight to keep oneself busy...no wonder Laura Ingalls Wilder went to bed so early! :)

I don't realize how dependent I am on electricity for so many things in my life until I suddenly see what my life would be like without it. In the same way, I also can't help but think about how much more completely and utterly dependent I am on God. And sometimes I forget. Sometimes it takes a time when I see what my life would really look like without Him to appreciate and fully grasp how much He sustains me, how much I need Him! "I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord..."

For all you linguists and culturally-interested people...

My mom sent me this one, and I just about fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard! Maybe it's only funny for people who speak Portuguese, or who have been to the Northeast of Brazil (the Brazilian equivalent of "the South"), or who have ever been in places where people try to spell out English words the way they sound to them, but I couldn't resist...

VOCÊ SABE O QUE É TAPOÉ ????? ("Do you know what a tapoé is?" - pronounced as 3 syllables, with the emphasis on the third and the "t" at the beginning sounding more like a soft "d." In Portuguese, it sounds kinda like the name of an animal, or an exotic tropical fruit, or maybe like it could be some character from folklore like the Saci-Pererê, a one-legged black man who lives in a whirlwind.)
ALGUM DIA VOCÊ JÁ VIU UM TAPOÉ???? ("Have you ever seen a tapoé?")
OU SERÁ QUE SUA MÃE SEMPRE ESCONDEU O TAPOÉ DE VOCÊ???? ("Or has your mom always hidden the tapoé from you?")

SEGUE A FOTO DE UM LEGÍTIMO TAPOÉ. ("Here is a picture of an authentic tapoé.")


Get it? It's Tupperware!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahaha......

Fine, roll your eyes. I think it's hilarious. You only wish you spoke Portuguese like me...

Have you ever had one of those days when everything seems to go by in slow motion? Well, today was one of those days. I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck - body aches, fever, sore throat, sinus pressure, the whole shabang...So I called in sick and tried to go back to sleep, but I just tossed and turned. Finally, I decided it was useless to try anymore, and I got up, showered, took some Day Quil, and trucked off to work. I feel like I've been blundering around in a hazy daze, taking longer than usual to do everything, having to have everyone repeat things to me because I forget them...And I really miss being able to breathe through my nose...

Have you ever stopped to think about how amazing it is that our bodies work the way they do? For example, all the sugar and protein and hormone levels in my blood are kept in balance by an amazingly complex system that takes whole textbooks to explain. And, if that system stopped working properly for some reason, it would take a whole medical team on 24-7 rotations, with meds and needles and machines, to make up for it. Like Karis, who has ports and catheters and lines jabbed into her body in 12 different places to handle all of it:
This week, she just started being able to eat again! WOOHOO!!! Orange popsicles and chocolate pudding and ice cream. :) Man, I would miss food...salad, rice and beans, chicken parmesan, extra sharp cheddar cheese...

Right now, if I want to pop on over to the Proctor Station just down the hall for something to munch on, all I have to do is stand up and walk my little body over there. It just takes a few seconds. This is what it takes for Karis to go for a spin down the hall (no food involved):

It takes about an hour just to get her transferred over to the wheel chair!

How blessed I am indeed. And so very little of it has to do with me. Lord, how can I ever be grateful enough for the depths of Your grace?

For once, I wish I had TV channels...Usually, the thought of most television shows just makes me cringe, and I don't want my life to revolve around what my Grandma so fondly refers to as "the boob tube." But for this week, I'd gladly give up all my scrupulous arguments about TV to be able to watch the Olympics. Specifically the figure skating. :) Looking at the pictures online afterwards just doesn't cut it...sigh...anyone want to record them for me?????? I would love you forever! I was trying to figure out whether Netflix would put DVD's of the Olympics in my queue if I asked them to...right above the Godfather...but, somehow, I don't think they'd do it. Bummer!

Food for thought...

From the pen of Nick Spencer, from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity:

Art should illuminate. And cartoons, as valid an art form as any other, should help us to see ourselves and our world more clearly, exposing faults, parading idiosyncrasies, mocking pretensions.

Regrettably, our response to such illuminations often sheds more light than the illustrations themselves. Such is the case with the reaction to the satirical images of the prophet Muhammad published in various European newspapers over recent months.

It has shown, among other things, how there exists a silent hierarchy of religious sensitivity in Britain. Christian offence at Jerry Springer – The Opera or Gilbert and George’s Sonofagod exhibition (to name but two) is clearly not as important as the potential Muslim reaction to a cartoon of Muhammad.

It has shown how, for some Muslims in the UK, an insult to Islam greatly outweighs the moral and legal framework in which they live, justifying open incitement to violence and murder.

And it has shown how wide is the gap that separates what we might loosely call the religious mentality of the ‘Rest’, which believes that some things should remain beyond ridicule, and the secular one of the ‘West’ that claims that nothing is.

Different as these three matters are, they all point towards one key question: what (if anything) is of ultimate value to us? What (if anything) is sacred?

Our answer to this question will dictate those to the many others that cluster around it: Is there a limit to artistic freedom? Does freedom necessarily involve the freedom to offend? Is religious or national identity more important? Is anything beyond ridicule?

A very good point, Mr. Spencer. Is it unreasonable to expect all use of freedom to also be tempered by respect? Is it my right to infringe on other people's rights?

A week of surprises!

Surprise #1: I finally got to meet my dairy farmer neighbours. When I had to trudge over there and ask for help pushing my car out of the snow bank off the end of my driveway on Tuesday morning on my way to work. :) His name is Dan Smith, and he's a downright pleasant guy, not to mention wonderfully helpful when one's car is stuck in the snow. When I introduced myself, he said, "Oh, I have a daughter named Becca!" Maybe I'll just have to invite their family over for dinner sometime, as a thank you, and so I can meet his daughter Becca. :)

Surprise #2: When I got home from work on Tuesday, already sore from digging and pushing my car out of the snow earlier, I wasn't looking forward to having to shovel the other foot of snow off my driveway that accumulated while I was at work. But then I got home to a CLEAR DRIVEWAY! Someone with a generous heart and a plow on the front of their truck had removed all the snow from my long driveway. HOORAY!!! :)

Surprise #3: Yesterday, I got a surprise visit in my office from my Aunt Paula and Uncle Steve, who moved to Florida not too long ago! They used to live in Andover, about 45 minutes away from Houghton (just south of Wellsville), and they were on their way back through here in the North for visits, doctor's appointments, and a little bit of business, so they decided to stop by and see me at work while they were in the neighborhood. What a wonderful surprise! To catch up with people who you love but haven't seen in a long time. :)

Surprise #4: My cousin Alyson (Uncle Steve & Aunt Paula's daughter) and her husband Jon are pregnant with kid #4! Let's just say it was a surprise. :)

Surprise #5: (Well, this one isn't really a surprise. It's a given. But it makes all these surprises possible, along with all the other amazing things that go on around us every day that we take for granted but are, in fact, truly miracles of God's grace.) God is awesome! And wonderful, and immeasurable, and beautiful, and gracious, and compassionate, and loving, and...humble enough to shrink Himself down into a size that we can see and feel, through the world and people around us, so that we can know His love for us even though it surpasses knowledge, and so that we can love Him back.

Interesting in Exodus...

So, our church is reading through the Bible in one year together this year, and even though I've read through it many, many times before, it never ceases to amaze me how many things I stumble across that I've somehow never noticed before! Do you ever do that?

This week's musings and delvings were kicked off by something Pastor Jon mentioned in his sermon on Sunday, about the ways in which God works to bring His people freedom. Jumping off from the plagues, he talked about how His deliverance often comes in stages, not all at once, and His plan is mysterious and even confusing until it is fully completed. And he used as an example the crossing of the Red Sea, in which Moses prays and raises his staff as the Egyptians close in on them, and...the wind blows? That's God's deliverance? Exodus 14: 21 says that the wind blew all that night. Maybe it's because I've seen Cecil B. DeMille's Ten Commandments too many times, but I'd always pictured the parting of the sea as a pretty instantaneous occurrence. Moses raises his staff and prays, and BAM! there is a dry path through the sea. But it wasn't like that. It took the wind blowing all night. And even with the pillar of fire between them and the Egyptians, that must have been a pretty confusing, frightening, and sleepless night for the Israelites, wondering what the heck kind of help wind was going to be against Pharaoh's chariots! It was still miraculous, mind you, but I'm sure the people must have been thinking, "Hurry up, already!" as they waited on pins and needles with the Egyptians breathing down their necks. And yet when morning came, that long night of waiting became clearly worth it, as there was singing and dancing and worship for the Lord who works deliverance through blowing wind.

So, still thinking about the often slow and mysterious ways in which God works, I came across that same theme later in Exodus, as God is addressing His people from Mount Sinai. After giving them the Ten Commandments, telling them how to live in love and justice with each other, teaching them about the festivals they are to keep, He promises to drive out the Hittites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Jebusites, Amorites, and Hivites from the land that will be theirs. But then He adds, "But I will not do this all in one year because the land would become a wilderness, and the wild animals would become too many to control. I will drive them out a little at a time until your population has increased enough to fill the land." Hmmm...not exactly what they were expecting, I'd imagine. In other words, "I will work My promises slowly, so that you can keep up, so that when the time comes for the fullness of My work, you will be have grown enough to handle it." Wow. I had honestly never caught that before. Yet another reminder that His ways are higher than mine, that things will come about in His time regardless of how much I fret. "Be still, my child! You can trust me!"

Thank you, Rachel!!!!

Today, I just got a new book in the mail, at the suggestion of my wonderful friend Rachel, who is beautiful, and whose heart is even more beautiful: Between Heaven and Earth. Yes, I'm in the middle of my workday, but when a package comes in the mail run with my name on it, and I KNOW that it's the book I just ordered, it's hard not to rip it open and take a peek right away anyways. It's a compilation of prayers and people's musings about prayer, and even in my random flipping through its pages, it has already blessed my socks off! Here's a tidbit:

Why do we pray?

For reassurance, sometimes, because it's an uncertain world and each of us needs our spirit bolstered from time to time. For guidance, sometimes, because it's an uncharted way we travel, and we need all the direction we can get. For help, other times, because the way is long and almost always uphill and sometimes perilous.

We pray for our daily bread and our yearly physical. We pray when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed at night. We pray when we're confused. Or lonely. Or sad. We pray when we're happy, too. And when we're grateful. Grateful for seeing a hummingbird up close or a double-rainbow off in the distance. Grateful for a good friend who was there when we needed someone to listen...or there when we needed someone to speak. We pray for reasons as slight as a sudden feeling of appreciation for a cloud that shades us from the sun to one as serious as a lingering sense of abandonment in the face of some personal tragedy.

Partly, though, at least, we pray to find the part of us that is missing. Like the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle that draws attention to itself by its absence. Like the empty space on a wall that calls out to be filled with a picture or a piece of furniture. Like the bare spot in a lawn that yearns for grass. Prayer is a cry from the bare spot in our lives, from the empty space, from the part of us that is missing. It is the wounded part seeking to be healed, the missing part seeking to be found, the now-dry clay of the sculpture seeking the hands that first touched it, first caressed it, first loved it.

Somehow, I think that's exactly why I pray. And it seems to make "praying without ceasing" a little less daunting of a task. :) Thanks for the book suggestion, Rach!

So, the Superbowl is coming up this weekend,
and I just have one question for you, a question that I have been asking for a loooooong time:

Why do they call it football?

I mean, the ball is actually in contact with someone's foot for maybe 1% of the game. Which makes it only slightly more of a foot sport than basketball, in which the only involvement the feet have is running around. The hands have more involvement in soccer (the real "football") than the feet do in American football, even if you don't count the goalie, because of how many throw-ins there are in a game. Who comes up with these silly ideas, anyways?

Every week at youth group, I have a blast. We play amazingly fun games, and sometimes I can't believe how few of the kids already knew them. For example, last night we played Fruit Basket Upset (which Pastor Don re-named Demolition Fruit Basket to add the full-contact element...), and only about 5 of the 30-something teenagers there had ever heard of it before! Can you believe it? (If YOU don't know how to play Fruit Basket, MY mouth is gaping at you right now, like a fish, in disbelief and shock.) We also played a modified version of Speed Scrabble/Take Two - my favourite game of ALL TIME - except with giant Scrabble letters, making a crossword puzzle on the floor, and whenever a team yelled out "Take one!" they had to send someone running across the room to get a letter out of the pile. TONS of fun. Except for when they started getting frustrated that they couldn't think of words to use - I guess that's what I take for granted from having grown up in a home where reading and talking and playing games gave me a HUGE vocabulary. Among many other things.

But every week at youth group, my heart also breaks. It breaks because so many of these kids don't have so many of those things that I have taken for granted. Like 2 parents who love each other, who desire to know and love and follow God, who love me and want me to live in Christ. (Not to mention siblings and grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins who do, too.) Like encouragement from friends and teachers to do well in school and in life. Like food to eat every day, and no shortage of clothes to wear (and that I LIKE to wear), and having no relatives in jail, and a million other things. And when the kids in youth group drive me crazy with their antics, it helps to remember that a lot of the reason for their behaviour is that it's a cover-up for all the ways in which they feel exposed and helpless and vulnerable and shafted and hurt. So many of the kids I work with every week don't have the things I used to take for granted. Some of them are so starved for attention that they would rather act out and get reprimanded than risk being a wallflower, being ignored. Some of them have families that don't care a snit about what they do with their lives, and others have families that are working so hard to make ends meet that they don't have any time left to be involved in their kids' lives at all. It reminds me every week of how much I have to be grateful for, how little of it has to do with any merit or effort of mine, and how much I am called to share the blessings that have been so lavishly bestowed upon me.

Funny story of the week...

So, I love small children. I love the way they talk, dropping letters and mixing up words. I love (and envy) their amazing amounts of energy, and I inevitably get a very silly grin on my face when I'm "attacked" by a full-body kid hug - you know, the kind that finds their legs wrapped around your waist, and their arms trying as hard as they can to reach around your neck, and a slobbery kiss planted on your cheek? Those are the best. Especially when followed up by tickling. :) Another one of my favourite things about kids is their adaptability, their ability (most of the time) to go with the flow. Well, yesterday after church, Joshua Ward, the adorable 2-year-old son of Pastor Jon and Ashley, proved his ability to go with the flow. Literally.

We all had Sunday dinner over at Laura and Walter's, and Joshy (pronounced "Shoshy" by him...) was REALLY thirsty. He had a whole glass of milk before lunch, and another one with the meal. We DID take him to the bathroom before sitting down to eat, but as a distractable boy in the process of being potty-trained, he was a little too engrossed with playing with his food to notice that his bladder was full. So, needless to say, at one point when his dad was checking to see if he had eaten enough, it became apparent that there was a rather large wet stain on Shoshy's pants...Oh, well! He didn't mind being wet, so he ran around in wet pants for a while until he came up to his dad and said he needed to go to the bathroom. Again. Not 5 minutes later. Well, Josh beat his dad to the bathroom, but still wasn't fast enough...so Pastor Jon had a very wet sock...and Josh's clothes were soaked beyond wearing. No worries! Who needs pants? Life is much more fun when you're FREE!!!!! (Although it IS a bit more drafty...) So we had a very cute 2-year-old boy running around the house with a shirt and sweater on, and nothing else. Without a care in the world. :) My favourite part was when he ran over to the window that overlooks the street, and hid behind the curtains from all of us. (Except, of course, he forgot that while hiding from us he was exposing his naked tush to the whole rest of the world!!!!!) It was adorable. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

I'm going to paraphrase, 'cause I don't remember exactly how it went, but Lauren F. Winner wrote something like this:

Profound conversations aren't the point of community. We don't form relationships and community so that someday we can have profound conversations with people. The relationship in itself is the point. Sharing hundreds and millions of experiences like Scrabble games and walks in the park and flapjacks in your best friend's kitchen are, in fact, what it's all about. They're not necessary nuisances, stepping stones along the way until you can finally get to the point where you can talk about God and your deepest fears and why we should or shouldn't have sex and whether either Calvin or Arminius have it right. Those hundreds and millions of shared experiences are, in and of themselves, the point.

How important it was for me to be reminded of that this week, in my interactions and conversations with so many people! Community is the point. Sharing our lives with God and people, on all possible levels and in all possible areas of our lives, is the point. Sharing a cup of tea, laughter, tears, a hug, a meal, a movie, are not necessary hurdles that we need to get over so we can get to "the good stuff" - they're part of the good stuff. They're the very real arenas in which community is lived, where love is fleshed out! Profound conversations are an added bonus, an extra that is sometimes thrown in along the way, a privilege that is gained because we are in community. But love that binds us all together in perfect unity - that is the point. Word. Thanks for the reminder. 'Cause sometimes I forget.

Winter is back again! No more teasers of spring - it's snowing in Houghton! And you know what? I kind of missed it. Go figure.

I feel like Peter.

You know, Simon Peter, after he had denied Jesus and the rooster crowed and he wept. Well, I have been having a dialogue with God similar to that one that Jesus had with Peter by the Sea of Galilee, after He came back from the dead, after He made his disciples catch amazing boatloads of fish once again like he had before. The dialogue in which Jesus asks, "Peter, do you truly love me more than these?", and then again, "Peter, do you truly love me?", and then the third time, that really hurt, "Peter, do you love me?" "Yes, Lord, You know I love you." "Then feed my sheep...Follow me."

My dialogue was not by a sea after fishing, but in my car, on my way home from watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with Kat, Paul, Sean, Amy, and Jeff Brown. And I was remembering how Lucy was always the one to see the right way, Aslan's way, even when others called it nonsense. Like going back to Narnia, or trusting the Beavers. Like in Prince Caspian when she decided she would follow Aslan down the cliffs and up the other side of the gorge even if she had to do it alone, though the others couldn't see him. Or countless other times when she was the only one who saw Him or understood what was going on. I was crying out to God because I wanted to see, I wanted to understand, but I didn't. I was begging Him to show me what He was doing that I couldn't see yet, and as the tears blurred my eyes so I could hardly see the road anymore, I heard Him say those words He said to Peter that day, "Do you love me?" "Yes, Lord. Beyond a shadow of a doubt."

Then, gently, a different question: "Then do you trust me?"
Tentatively: "Yes...But..."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes...But..."
The third time, the one that hurt: "DO YOU TRUST ME?"
(Long pause...I grip the steering wheel tighter...take a deep breath...let out a long sigh...) "Yes."

Ouch. You got me.

"Then follow Me."

And I know that I can do nothing else. There are no other options that even come close.

The past few days have been the busiest days EVER here in the office of the Nielsen Physical Education Center. Hence why I didn't update you yesterday on how speaking in youth group went. In fact, the only things I did yesterday here at my desk that weren't strictly work were introducing myself on Sam's blog, and paying my credit card bill. No blog-surfing, no checking the news, no writing about my life, no funny stories or jokes or pictures. Just the phones ringing off the hook and e-mails pouring in and people constantly streaming in and out needing something. And today hasn't been much better...BUT that will not stop me this time!!!!!

So, for those of you who are curious about how youth group went on Wednesday night, I'll tell you right here and right now. (For those of you who aren't curious, you can go ahead and stop reading now...) It was scary. Being honest with other people is scary - honest about what I struggle with, honest about the lessons about people and God and myself which I have learned the hard way. But there is also something very freeing about being honest. And the kids were surprisingly quiet and attentive for most of the time, which is a rarity! Pastor Don commented to me at the end that he thinks that sometimes when there is tittering going on among them, it is probably because the words were hitting home for some of them and that made them uncomfortable. Go, Holy Spirit! Do Your work! So many of those kids are struggling not to be defined by their situations over which they have no control, like divorced parents, siblings in jail, poverty, and sexual abuse, and they need to know that there is a treasure in them that no amount of pressing or crushing can destroy - the image of God, that is being made clearer and brighter as we are being renewed day by day. And if it was (hopefully) good for them, it was also definitely good for me, knowing that as God does work through me, He is also doing work in me, to peel away a little more of the dirt and grime and pride and show that this strength comes not of any merit of mine, but by the grace of God.
Amen and amen.

HELP!!!!

Does anyone know how to get and keep the attention of a group of 30 teenagers????? Because I'm endeavoring the hugely intimidating task of presenting the devotional at youth group tonight, and I have prepared what to say, but I just don't know how to bring it home! Doing a Faith Journey in chapel would have been hard enough if I had been asked to do so, but to Jr. High students? Yikes! I'm talking about identity, and how we are often given an identity by others that may or may not reflect who we actually are (for example, from kindergarten to 12th grade I was always "the smart one," and it drove me nuts that people didn't seem to notice or care about all the other parts of me that didn't fit under that category), but that in the end the label that covers all these labels is the one that God bestows on us that says, "you are MINE!" I'm trying to make it at least a little bit interactive, by giving them each actual labels to wear...Unless they decide to crumple them up and use them as ammo against each other...Here's hoping...

From a movie that I have now watched 3 times in the past week...About a Boy...

Marcus: "Suddenly I realized: 2 people isn't enough. You need a backup. If you're only 2 people, and someone drops off the edge, then you're on your own. Two isn't a large enough number. You need 3, at least!"

word. here's to backup!!!!!!!

Do you ever get that feeling when you wake up in the morning that you don't want it to be morning yet, but you know that you won't be able to get back to sleep again even if you tried? Well, I was in that state this morning. I didn't want to get up, but I knew that staying in bed would be pointless. Then I rolled over to face the window and I noticed tiny shafts of pink seeping through the cracks between my blinds.

So in a stroke of boldness, I gathered up my courage, threw off the covers, and yanked up the blinds, to find one of the most beautiful sunrises I have ever seen. Bright red across the whole horizon, blending into fiery oranges and softer yellows, against a purple-grey background - simply breathtaking!

The thing about sunrises is that, if you sit and watch them, the changes in colour and brightness are so gradual that you don't really notice them happening. But when you turn your back on it for even a few seconds, then turn to it again, the amount of change in those few seconds can be astounding! (I was thinking of using this as a springboard for some sort of profound illustration, but now I can't think of any...)

In any case, that spectacular sunrise was a great way to start off the week! I think it may make me smile all day. :)

I want to help!

If faith is being sure of what we hope for,
Certain of what we do not see,
How does one convey certainty?
Because I am certain.
But I don't know how I came to be certain.
How does one explain
Joy in the midst of pain,
Peace in the midst of trouble,
Life in the midst of death,
A Love that knows no bounds?
I can't convince anyone of these things
With words strung together.
But neither can I manufacture
The experiences by which certainty comes,
And so I sit by and wait.

It feels so small, so passive,
This waiting and watching while You work,
When all I can do is pray!
I want to help!
But I know that what is needed is deeper than words,
The way that is blazed by the Spirit
Through the hard grind of life,
The way of experience, of One who has seen and heard and felt it all,
The way paved with the blood from Your side
When You cried, “It is finished!”
Because only You can finish it.
You have let me help for a little while,
But now it is beyond my reach.
Beyond the reach of words or actions or reason.
For certainty has to be learned and seen and experienced,
Without intermediates,
The glaring beauty of Your holiness,
The merciful scalpel of Your love.
Straight from the source.
Pure, unadulterated, devastating Goodness,
That peels back and lays bare
And pulls out the cancer that is eating us up
From the inside out.
So we can heal.
So we can learn how much taller and straighter we can walk
Without carrying around this unnecessary weight.
We have no idea how much You sustain us.
You work even when we are sleeping.
The sun rises & sets at a word from Your mouth.
You do not need our help.
So thank You for letting me help sometimes. Even just a little bit.

Funny story of the day...

Last night, Amy, Katrina, and I went out to Ace's for dinner, where we talked and talked and talked until our food got cold (well, at least mine did...) and we realized that the whole restaurant was empty. Then I noticed that they were vacuuming the floors. And so we decided that maybe we should get up and pay our bill and be on our way - which we did, all the while still laughing and talking. As we were walking out the door, we asked our very obliging waitress what time they usually close, and she told us , "Mondays and Tuesdays we usually close at 7." It was 7:40!!!!!!!!!! AAAH!!!!!!!!!! We felt like very terrible, insensitive people who should have tipped more...even though she assured us that she would have stayed this late anyways to clean up (which she had done all around us while we ate into her evening free time.)

But wait, there's more!!! Upon arriving back on campus, Amy and I dropped Kat off at Paul's townhouse, and went to the campus centre to check our e-mail. Of COURSE, Amy got an e-mail from Sam, and so it is no surprise that she was a little flustered/distracted on our way out to the car, and I was on the phone with Michelle, and as we opened our respective doors to get in the car, Amy says, "Wait! This isn't your car!" She was right. As we were walking up to it, I thought it looked a little too clean to be Tallulah, but I figured it just wasn't as noticeable at night time. But then Amy realized that her bag of clothes wasn't in the back seat, and the light bulb in her head came on much faster than mine did, at which point we collapsed in hysterical laughter in the parking lot. We DID find Tallulah. I had parked her over in the ATM parking slot, and the other car wasmuch more visible, right under the street light, the first car you lay eyes on after leaving the campus centre. Only in Houghton! Where everyone leaves their car unlocked...Otherwise, we would have had car alarms going off and suspected theft... :)

WOOHOO!!!!!

My friend Karis, who went to school with me since 2nd grade, is getting a transplant today!!!!!!!! After a failed intestinal transplant over a year ago that put her into a coma for several months, and being in and out of the hospital for the past year, she finally got a phone call last night saying that they have new organs for her! I think this time she's getting new intestines, liver, and maybe even a pancreas. Amazing what technology can do these days...

For those of you who don't know her or haven't heard about her from me, Karis has been sick her whole life, but her testimony, and that of her family, is simply astounding. They have brought light and love to so many hospital wards, and to many people outside hospitals with whom they get a chance to interact. They have experienced the sustaining grace of God in sickness and health, in want and in plenty, and they will eagerly tell anyone who asks them about where their joy comes from in the midst of pain. Prayers are going up around the world right now, that the surgery would go well, and that the organs would take this time.

This weekend, I finished 3 of the books on my list - Yancey, Nouwen, and the Advent reader. Following the suggestion of my wonderful mother (who has greatly influenced my love of books...among other things...), I have picked up Brennan Manning's classic The Ragamuffin Gospel as one of my next ventures. I first read it during the summer of 2004, with my beloved Godspeed team, and I'm picking it back up again at a very different place in life. Like any book, its contents must be taken with a grain of salt, but seeing as I've also inherited from my mother a penchant for analyzing EVERYTHING I come across (often to the point of being ridiculous...), salt very rarely seems to be lacking in my literary diet! But in the midst of my frequent over-analysis, something very refreshing jumps out from the pages. Honesty. And grace. What Manning writes in his introduction, regarding his book, I think could be expanded to describe the Gospel itself.

[The Good News] is not for the super-spiritual. It is not for muscular Christians who have made John Wayne and not Jesus their hero. It is not for academicians who would imprison Jesus in the ivory tower of exegesis. It is not for noisy, feel-good folks who manipulate Christianity into a naked appeal to emotion. It is not for hooded mystics who want magic in their religion. It is not for Alleluia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation. It is not for the fearless and tearless...It is not for legalists who would rather surrender control of their souls to rules than run the risk of living in union with Jesus.

[It is] for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out. It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other. It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don't have it all together and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace. It is for the inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker. It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents. It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay. It is for the bent and the bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God. It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who know they are scalawags.

From one closet scalawag to another, my cheese has completely fallen off my cracker. I am in desperate need of grace.

I'm an incurable bookworm...

Lately, I have been having a hard time putting my thoughts & feelings into words. Do you ever feel that way? They seem to float and flit about in my head and in my heart like vapors, not quite substantial enough to be grasped onto but still undeniably there - felt, smelled, tasted, and their nuances affect me. And for someone like me, who processes things best externally, through journalling and conversation and prayer, a lack of words is a real problem. So, in the inability to put my own words to these things, I have pored over pages and pages of other peoples' words, trying to find someone who could flesh out these jumbled wisps, making them somehow a bit more substantial and concrete. And it has been a blessed venture, indeed! To find, in books and blogs and Scripture and sermons and songs, words from others that capture the aching in my own bones, the near-bursting joy mingled with heart-breaking sorrow, the words that I couldn't find for myself. Some of these sources are as follows:

The Jesus I Never Knew, by Philip Yancey
Watch the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas, by various authors
Christianity at the Religious Roundtable, by Timothy Tennent
Job
Psalms
Genesis
The Gospel of Luke
Acts
II Corinthians
In Her Words: Women's Writings in the History of Christian Thought, by Amy Oden
The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
The Genesee Diaries, by Henri J.M. Nouwen

Yes, these are all simultaneous...The stack of books next to my bed is huge! I'm almost done with a few of them, though, so...do any of you have any suggestions? :)

(Thank goodness for libraries! That way, I don't have to spend a fortune to feed my habit...)

I wish I had pictures...

Pictures of a lovely weekend in Washington, DC, with Mike, Tegan, and Mike's sister Kimmie! Of the living room floor strewn with books that we all have been reading, the massive jar of Nerds that has been getting emptier and emptier every day (hehehe...), the Russian teacakes that we baked last night, and of course Tegan curled up for a nap in the papasan chair. Or in bed. Or on the floor. Or pretty much anywhere. :) Pictures of the four of us crowded around a computer screen watching movies late at night, or wandering around the DC malls on New Year's Eve only to find that pretty much everything closed at 6 pm except the wine & liquor stores...interesting... Oh, and pictures of Tegan taking over the world!!! That's right, we brought in the New Year playing Risk, and although I had control of all of the Americas and almost half of Asia at one point, everyone ganged up on me and I was the first one eliminated...and then Tegan took over the world...Maybe someday I'll develop a sense of strategy! Until then, I will fly by the seat of my pants as usual.

"Any New Year's resolutions?" you may ask. And my answer is no. I have a life resolution: I want to learn. I want to learn how to change my own oil. I want to learn how to play the guitar. I want to learn how to listen better, instead of having my first reflex be to open my mouth and blurt something out. I want to learn about grace, about trust, about hope, about love, about what kind of justice God wants, about sacrifice, about how to pray without ceasing. I want to learn how to make bread without a recipe (I still need to peek sometimes...). I want to learn how to hold tightly, tenaciously, to the things that matter, and learn how to let go of the things that don't matter. I want to learn to wake up every morning and face life head on, with my eyes wide open. This is my life resolution. I want to be a perpetual learner.

In other news, KATRINA AND AMY GET BACK TODAY!!!!! Woohoo!!!! I can hardly wait. (And, Amy, Tegan graciously bestowed some ginger on me, so now we can make ginger tea!)

Sometimes I feel very foolish. And then I am reminded that I'm in good company...

Seems I've imagined Him all of my life
As the wisest of all of mankind,
But if God's Holy wisdom is foolish to men
He must have seemed out of His mind.

For even His family said He was mad,
And the priests say a demon's to blame,
But God in the form of this angry young man
Could not have seemed perfectly sane.

We in our foolishness thought we were wise -
He played the Fool and He opened our eyes.
We in our weakness believed we were strong -
He became helpless to show we were wrong.
And so we follow God's own Fool,
For only the foolish can tell.
Believe the unbelievable!
Come be a fool as well!

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son,
For a madman who died for a dream,
And you'll feel the faith His first followers had,
And you'll feel the weight of the beam.

So surrender the hunger to say you must know,
Have the courage to say "I believe."
For the power of paradox opens your eyes
And blinds those who say they can see.

We in our foolishness thought we were wise -
He played the Fool and He opened our eyes.
We in our weakness believed we were strong -
He became helpless to show we were wrong.
And so we follow God's own Fool,
For only the foolish can tell.
Believe the unbelievable!
Come be a fool as well!

~God's Own Fool, by Michael Card (now playing in my computer...)

Whoever invented Skype is a genius. Truly a genius. My favourite Christmas present of all this year was completely free because of that person (or those people...) - 3 conversations with my family in Brazil!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! Myself, my sister Karen, my brother-in-law Brian, Aunt Jodi, Grandma, and my cousins Jillian and James gathered around a computer microphone in Michigan, sharing love and laughter and stories and news with my parents and my brother Ben around a computer in Sao Paulo. Truly a Christmas blessing beyond measure!

The coolest part, that made my day and made me smile and cry all at the same time, was when ALL of my immediate family was wishing each other Merry Christmas and saying I LOVE YOU, from 3 different locations in the world. Two computers and a phone, conference-called through Skype - us here in Michigan, my Mom, Dad & Ben in Brazil, and Laura and Walter in Dewittville, NY - love and joy mediated by amazing technology. Almost as good as a real full-family group hug. The arms of God truly cover very long distances!

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, my friends, with the new traditions that are being forged during your first Christmas on your own, first Christmas as married people, first Christmas in a foreign land. I am sending you all a Christmas hug, via blog and via prayer! And a few Christmas pictures, for fun. :)

Long-distance family Christmas - hooray for Skype!

This one's for all of you who didn't have a white Christmas! No, sorry, I can't take any credit for the making of that snowman...I just stole the photo opp :)

Someone once told me that dogs can sense our emotions - like fear and sadness. Moose was good therapy this weekend. I wish I could have a dog...

Someone, I don't really know who, once said, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Losing is hard. But I think that person knew what they were talking about, whoever they were.

Here's to a Love that will never be lost! A Love that we celebrate this week, having come to earth enfleshed in the body of a baby boy named Jesus.

Help!!! I've been tagged!!!!!!!

OK, Katrina Joy, I am succumbing to the blog-tag frenzy...just because I love you...here goes...

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yours" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ/blog/xanga entry about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I sleep with 3 teddy bears every night. I hug Honey and Nameless, and Snowball goes in between my knees to keep my back in a neutral position (the eternal physical therapist in me...). And, with the influence of Cherith Reynolds - oops! I mean Cherith Meeks - I have also started heating up a corn sack in the microwave before bed and keeping it by my feet. My feet always get cold at night.

2. I don't feel like paying a company to come pick up my trash for me, so instead I (sheepishly) take my garbage bags out of the can and tie them up, then place them in the trunk of my car for transport to Houghton College, where I surreptitiously deposit them in one of the many dumpsters around campus. For free. hehehe...

3. I brush my teeth for 15 minutes before going to bed at night. All those who have ever been my roommates think I'm nuts because of it, but I bite my thumb at you scoffers of long night-time toothbrushings! I have never had a cavity in my life, and I plan to have such impeccable dental hygiene that I never have to pay for a filling or a crown! Well, maybe I'll eventually have to pay for dentures...but hopefully my excellent tooth-brushing habits will help delay that, too. :)

4. I talk to the drivers of other cars while I'm driving, generally calling them "Buddy," often chiding them for being stupid or offering them advice on how to be less stupid. For example, "Whoa, Buddy, stay on your side of the yellow line!" Or "Get off my tail, Buddy! You're not going to make the speed limit go up or make the double yellow line disappear by riding my bumper!" Or, my personal favourite, whenever someone passes me in a no-passing zone, or insists that they have to go faster than me even though I'm already going 65 in a 55, I smile a plastic smile and wave and say, "Have a nice day! Drive safe! I hope you get pulled over!" (no sarcasm at all...)

5. I love baking - it's cathartic for me - but I don't always get around to eating what I bake. I'd much rather give it away. For example, I made snickerdoodles and sugar cookies last week, and gave about half of each of them away, but only ended up eating about 2 of each myself. So I still have at least a dozen of each sitting at home. And I also have a little bit of hot fudge cake left, that I made for our office Christmas party, and 1/4 of a pumpkin pie in my fridge, and a few dozen more cookies that I just made last night - half of which I am taking to youth group tonight, and half of which I have no idea what to do with. Do any of you like gingersnaps? :) I bake for the sake of baking, not necessarily for the sake of eating what I bake..call me crazy.

There, I did it! The sad thing is, though, that since most of my blogging friends have already been tagged, I may have to resort to only tagging 4 people myself...Chuck, Cherith, Fuller man, and Ben Howard, YOU'RE IT!!!! :)

By the way, have a blessed Christmas, all!

A very eventful weekend...

Chuck and Cherith got married!!! It was beautiful, and now they are one. Crazy. Wonderful.

And DAN IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

And cross-cultural transition is hard...especially when you're on the outside looking in. I'm used to being the one going through it, not the one watching, and I hate the feeling of having my hands tied behind my back, like I'm about as useful as a fire hydrant. Except fire hydrants can't pray. Or give backrubs. Or make Christmas cookies. On second thought, maybe I don't feel so much like a fire hydrant.

And I am very thankful for God's grace.

The countdown's getting lower every day...

Did you ever sing that song in Sunday school when you were a kid? I used to love counting down from 10 while progressively decreasing the space between my hands, until at the end of the countdown we would all clap our hands together really loudly..."The count(CLAP)down's getting lower every day!"

Well, for me, it's down to 2, and I can hardly wait until the part when I can clap my hands. Or better yet, when I can clasp one of my hands together with another hand that belongs to a very tall Daniel. In 2 days, 2 hours, and 20 minutes, there will be a big hullaballoo at the Rochester airport as Dan is mobbed by the hugs of a mom, a dad, a sister, a brother, and a girlfriend who are incredibly glad that he is home. Between now and then, I will go to Chuck & Cherith's wedding, sing in my church's Christmas musical, clean my messy room, and try to eat and sleep although I may be slightly too nervous for the last two...

Wow - the next time I sit down at this desk, I will be grinning to put the Cheshire cat to shame. Because the countdown will be over and Dan will be home. :)

Today's Advent reading:

No one can celebrate
a genuine Christmas
without being truly poor.
The self-sufficient, the proud,
those who, because they have
everything, look down on others,
those who have no need
even of God - for them there
will be no Christmas.
Only the poor, the hungry,
those who need someone
to come on their behalf,
will have that someone.
That someone is God.
Emmanuel. God-with-us.
Without poverty of spirit
there can be no abundance of God.
- Oscar Romero

I am keenly aware of how gaping my own insufficiencies are, of how much I need a Saviour to come on my behalf and do in me what I cannot do for myself - bring new LIFE! And even as we pray, "Come, Lord Jesus," we know that He has already come, that He is already here, dwelling in our midst, in our very lives - Emmanuel, God is with us. Hallelujah!

Reunions...

Chuck and Cherith came down last night, and it is so refreshing to see them together again, after a long and very hard 6 months of long-distance! Spending time with them was such a blessing, but you know what? It was possibly even more wonderful just to sit back and watch them interact, watch them talk and laugh together and look at each other with love in their eyes, seeing them marvel at the rediscovery that they can actually reach out and hug each other if they want to, instead of instinctively reaching out to each other by reaching for the phone or the computer keyboard.

And then there's also the joyful news from Japan about the reunion of three sister-friends from Houghton College - Amy, Rachel, and Katrina - being reunited in a context VERY different from the Houghton in which they were used to living out their relationship. And yet, somehow, friendship is always familiar, even when transplanted from small-town America to Sendai, Japan. Rachel's hugs are the same, Amy's laughter, Katrina's funny faces in brackets - all reminders of how incredible the blessing of friendship is, and how amazing God's grace in giving us incredible people with whom to share this journey called life! People in whose company my heart is at ease, free to simply BE, knowing that as we ARE together, God moves in our midst and uses our together-ness to make us all stronger, more loving, more receptive to His voice, and ultimately better disciples of the Christ we all serve, through the Holy Spirit. The reunion of friends is something that brings a smile from the deepest part of me and sends tingles down to my fingers and toes. I hope you are having a wonderful time in Japan, sisters of mine! :)

Watching all of these reunions, I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly glad I am that my own reunion with a very significant friend named Daniel is only 6 days away!!!!!!!!!! Finally... Right now, the place where said nervous giddiness resides is right in the pit of my stomach, in the form of butterflies that just won't calm down. I feel like I'm in 8th grade again.

Today, I officially feel (almost) like a grown-up.

I set up and decorated my very own Christmas tree for the very first time last night! (With Sarah, of course.)

And to top it all off I also changed my very own burnt-out headlight on my very own car. Without instructions or an owner's manual. Just my hands and a flashlight and the analytical, problem-solving brain God gave me, tinkering under the hood of my car until the old bulb was out and the new bulb was in and the wires were all re-connected. So I'm no longer a p'diddle. And I still have some black grime under my fingernails from the whole venture, but it is a very fulfilling kind of dirty. Like the satisfying soreness in your legs after a long run, or the satisfying tingling in your fingers & toes as you thaw out over a mug of hot chocolate inside a warm house after shoveling a foot of snow off the driveway. Here's to having two functional headlights again! Booyah!

(Oh, the reason I added in the "almost" in the first sentence of this post is because I still sleep with 3 teddy bears. I don't think that qualifies me to be fully grown-up yet...)

Sometimes, I talk too much...and am so focused on making sure I say everything I want to say that I don't stop to think about whether or not what I'm saying is actually helpful to the person on the other end of the conversation. Sometimes, I forget to listen...to really listen to what's going on in people's hearts and lives, not so that while listening I can be thinking up the perfect response or solution, but simply so that in listening my heart may embrace them more completely, and love them more completely. Without an agenda.

And, sadly enough, I find that I do the same thing with God on a fairly regular basis. I rattle off my concerns, my frustrations, my problems, and even my joys, and then I say "Phew! Thanks for listening, Lord! I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest. Well, talk to You later!" Then I go about my day, and I forget to listen for His voice unless I'm in a bind, unless I'm lonely and need comfort, or I've fallen flat on my face and I need to be picked back up again. When in reality what I need is to be continually attentive to His voice, so that reliance on Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are worked into the very fabric of my daily existence, so that I don't have to run to Him when something comes up because I've been walking close beside Him all along. Open my ears, Lord, teach me to listen!

So, about that Christmas tree...

I got one for free!!!!! :) That's right. That's what happens when you have a wonderful sister and brother-in-law who are moving into a new house, and you help them paint and clean, and they bestow upon you the artificial Christmas tree that their pastor had bestowed upon them for their first Christmas. So I get to start my official Christmas decorating and cookie-baking this week! Hooray!!!! :) Once my arms recover from the incredible soreness of painting a dining room, bedroom, and study, that is...And I still don't have a nativity scene, but I'm working on it.

On another note, today is the day when I am all grins and smiles for my dear friends Chuck and Cherith, whose long-distance countdown ends TODAY!!!!!! :) Cherith and I have been in pretty much the same boat ever since June, with both of us staying behind here in Western New York while the men in our lives roamed the country together in a purple minivan, visiting 26 states and 18 national parks (did I get that right?) in one summer. And then, after a very brief teaser of time together, those men once again headed off into the wild blue yonder, this time to study abroad - Chuck to Australia, and Dan to Costa Rica. So now, after months and months of ridiculously difficult apart-ness, in which God's grace has sustained us all, and in which His love has carried us when ours felt shaky and inadequate, the time for love expressed through words over long distances, spoken or in writing, is now becoming the time to flesh out those words in actions, in the sharing of day-to-day life, and in sharpening each other daily to become better disciples of the Christ who has called us His own. My joy overflows for you two today!!!! May God's grace continue to carry your love, always. See you at the wedding! :)

For me, the countdown is down to 13 days! 13 days until I will share the backseat of the Fuller family minivan with a tall, handsome man named Daniel, on the way home from the airport, along with his parents and Jonathan. 13 days until we can talk for however long we want to or need to, in person, without having to worry about how much the long-distance phone bill is going to cost. 13 days until Dan will once again be surrounded by Houghton snow (hahaha...) instead of sub-tropical heat, which will give him ample motivation to stay inside where it's warm. With his family. And with me. :) (P.S. -We still have 5 1/2 books left to read in the Chronicles of Narnia, in case we ever run out of things to talk about! Although I seriously doubt that is going to happen anytime soon...) 13 days, baby!

You know you work in the Athletic Department when...

...you decorate the office for Christmas and still have a sports theme. For example, we have a string of Adidas sneaker-shaped lights (you know, those classic white ones with 3 blue stripes and the rubber of the sole coming up over the toe?)...And we have a whole bunch of "Air Santas," little plastic Santas flying through the air pretending to dunk basketballs. (They used to be on a string of lights, too, but then that string of lights broke, and now we have a dozen identical Air Santas stuck to the windows and mirrors and picture frames in the office.) At least we didn't have to decorate with the Highlander purple & gold theme! :)

Decorating the office for Christmas reminds me that I haven't gotten any of my own Christmas decorations out of their boxes yet at my own house...much less put any of them up. This is the first time I'll have a house of my own to decorate!!! Too bad the only decorations I own are a few strings of lights and multi-colored glass balls to hang on the tree that I don't have...I didn't have the wonderful genius of Tegan & Michael Kroening Diercks, to buy one after last year's Christmas for 7 dollars. So I guess maybe Sarah and I will decorate the hanging house plant in our front window instead. Or maybe we'll splurge on a real tree, or buy a little artificial one because then you don't have to remember to water it. :) But the most important Christmas decorating element of all, I don't have - a nativity scene. (Well, my landlady has a very cheesy light-up set for the yard, which she made sure she showed to me before they left...But I don't think I'll be putting that up anytime soon!) Note to self: find a nice nativity scene soon. We had one in every room growing up. Well, except the bathroom. :) And we had one that we would stick to our windows, too, kind of like a flannel-graph except all white and made out of plastic/rubber so it stuck to glass, not flannel. We always had a tree, but there was only one tree, and Jesus was everywhere you looked! I loved that about Christmas in our house. I want to make sure that I have at least one baby Jesus in a manger in my house this year, with Mary and Joseph and the shepherds and sheep, and angels, marvelling at the Great I Am, who created the universe, shrinking Himself down to the size of a crying infant who needed diaper changes, in order to draw us back into the heart of the God...simply astounding!

And you know what else is astounding? In exactly 17 days, I will once again be swept up in the arms of a tall and handsome man named Daniel, whom I love, and who astoundingly loves me back! How blessed I am, indeed. Phenomenally blessed.