Re-learning old habits

I have been reading an excellent book by Richard Foster, simply called Prayer, and it has been a somewhat humbling experience, to say the least. I have been realizing as I turn each page that I can say, "I used to do that", but have slowly lost the habit...I can't even pinpoint exactly when, but gradually, in small everyday decisions to do some things and not others, priorities and habits shifted imperceptibly until, before I knew it, they were all backwards. When did I stop praying the ordinary while I worked? When did I limit my prayers to petitions, asking continually for things, instead of having prayer express my love, gratitude, praise, and listen for God's voice? What a fool am I to think that I need only come to God on behalf of others, when the truth of the matter is that if I am not filled with Him, anything I do "on behalf of others" is completely useless, because it is coming from ME, not from HIM!

"If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir than as a canal. For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it, but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus communicates, without loss to itself, its superabundant water. In the Church at the present day, we have many canals, few reservoirs."

~Bernard of Clairvaux (qtd. in Richard Foster, Prayer)

Teach me again, Holy Trinity, how to live in constant communion with You, to come to You to be filled with Your perfect Love, lest I try to pour out what I do not have! For only Your Love satisfies, heals, restores, and brings joy. Fill my cup to overflowing once again.

Summer is flying by...

It's hard to believe how quickly time goes by sometimes! While I was studying, investing in a long-distance relationship, keeping in touch with friends & family around the world, making new friends here in Binghamton, and trying to sleep, a whole term of Nursing School has flown by! Yeah, that's right, I'm already into Term II, which is CRAZY...but exciting, because now it means that we're moving out of the classroom and into practical experience. Finally!!!!

But I don't think that I would have made it this far with my sanity left were it not for two very important influences: God and Andrew. I know it sounds cheesy, and you can roll your eyes if you want, but it's true. Our God is so gracious in sustaining us even when we don't realize that He's doing it, and in teaching us even in the midst of our constant distractions. And He also provides us with one of His best gifts - His PEOPLE - to share in our joys and struggles, to encourage, support, convict, and sharpen us. There are countless people who fit this profile in my life, and if I were to name them all I would be here all day. But today's post is especially for Andrew, for his support and encouragement, for an unforgettable summer break spent together last week, and for calling me beautiful even after I flipped my kayak, fell in a river, and was soaked and muddy from head to toe. (Perhaps that's a story for the next post...) :)

Quotable quotes

From Lisa Reese, professor of our Nursing Assessment Techniques class, who is probably old enough to be my grandmother. When someone asked a question completely out of the blue about female examiners doing testicular exams (which has NOTHING to do with that day's lecture), her reply was:

"Oh, I'll tell you all about that when we get to the genitalia lecture, and probably more than you ever wanted to know. I love that nether-region down there! That's my favourite lecture to give - one year, I broke my leg, and I made them wheel me in here in a wheel chair to give it!"

It's going to be our last lecture of the year, and rumour has it we should tape-record it, because she's hilarious. I just hope there aren't too many demonstrations involved!

Back to school again!

Well, 2 weeks back into my return to school (for a 1-year accelerated BS in nursing), and I think I've finally got my groove back! :) Although hopefully I'll be able to stay away from some of the BAD study habits I used to have...like procrastination...So far so good.

One thing I'm still getting used to is that, by nature, Binghamton University is VERY different from Houghton College! Its size makes all the administrative, paperwork-type stuff that we have to do a lot less personal and more of a hassle, and running around on a wild goose chase takes a lot longer because of the size of campus...But the good things are location (lots of things to do in our spare time...oh, wait, we don't have any spare time!), and diversity. I have classmates from all over the world - Russia, Ghana, Kenya, China, Japan, Vietnam, Israel...it's so cool!

So far, the content hasn't been that difficult or new, but the hardest part is the pace of the course. Since it's a unique, intensive program, designed for people who are switching into the field and already have a bachelor's degree or higher in another field, we already have a lot of our academics out of the way, so we need to cram all the nursing-specific stuff PLUS all our clinical hours into 12 months. We haven't started clinicals yet, but once we do, THAT is going to be the real doozy. Hooray for living in scrubs starting in July! :)

I'm sure I'll have all sorts of interesting stories once I start clinicals! But for now we're just talking about really fun stuff in class. For example, today we had a whole lecture on bowel disorders and stool. (Yes, for all you lay people, it was about poop!)

Our first exam is out of the way, and I was surprised at how well I did - but I'm not getting too confident, because next week we have 3 midterms, so we'll see if I'm still smiling after that! In the meantime, though, we have 2 weeks down and 3 to go in Summer Term I, then a wonderful week off for the 4th of July...I hope these next 3 weeks fly by as quickly as the last 2 did! I'll keep you posted on any fun stories. :)

Let us flee to the Eucharist

One of the books I'm reading right now is The Seven Storey Mountain, the autobiography of Thomas Merton, and I stumbled across this passage the other day. It really made me think about how much of a difference it would make if I were to surround myself with religious symbols, with things that would point me to God when I saw them. In his description, Merton is talking about a small French town where he lived as a child, in which the layout and architecture of the whole city was constructed so that all roads led to the church, and no matter where you were in town you could see it. How amazing it would be if the Church was truly the centre of society again!

Oh, what a thing it is, to live in a place that is so constructed that you are forced, in spite of yourself, to be at least a virtual contemplative! Where all day long your eyes must turn, again and again, to the House that hides the Sacramental Christ!

I did not even know who Christ was, that He was God. I had not the faintest idea that there existed such a thing as the Blessed Sacrament. I thought churches were simply places where people got together and sang a few hymns. And yet now I tell you, you who are now what I once was, unbelievers, it is that Sacrament, and that alone, the Christ living in our midst, and sacrificed by us, and for us and with us, in the clean and perpetual Sacrifice, it is He alone Who holds our world together, and keeps us all from being poured headlong and immediately into the pit of our eternal destruction. And I tell you there is a power that goes forth from that Sacrament, a power of light and truth, even into the hearts of those who have heard nothing of Him and seem to be incapable of belief.

Amen and Amen!

"These songs are noise..."

I heart YouTube...I was browsing and found this video of one of my favourite songs off the latest Shane & Shane album, and it was looking really familiar to me when I looked in the video details and realized I WAS ACTUALLY AT THAT CONCERT!!!! The song is called "I Beg", and it talks about how on our own, our efforts are worthless, so we need God to move through us.

The Clarks are 4 for 4!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the brilliant Ben Clark, newest member of the Houghton Class of 2012, and of the First Year Honors Program in London!!!! Yes, that's right, and he kicked my butt in the amount of scholarship that he got, too...

I'm proud of you, bro! Keep up the good work! I can't wait to have you close by next year. :)

Did you miss me?

Yes, that's right! I'm back to blog-dom! Well, for now anyways. :) You see, I moved out of my sister's house over Thanksgiving, into my own apartment again (Hallelujah!), but now that means I don't have internet access at home...I go to the library or my church to get online, but blogging has kind of taken a backseat during those precious minutes - my priorities are e-mail, taking care of my finances, researching and following through on career and school options, keeping up with world current events, and THEN blogging. And there's never enough time to get through all of them! But I'm trying to change that. I'll TRY to post something once a week. How's that? Here goes!

Do you ever feel old, even though you're not? I do all the time...Being involved in youth ministry, I feel like my energy level has significantly decreased since college, to where I look at the kids I work with sometimes and think, "How did I ever do it?" I get sore and creaky (and cranky!) from doing things I used to pride myself in doing without a problem - like staying up all night, or playing in the snow, or trying to play sports, even soccer, which used to be my life! But the biggest way in which I feel old is that, in a lot of ways, I feel like the youth I work with are my kids in a way, because of how much time I spend with them and invest in them. So the fact that there are EIGHT seniors graduating this year who are from our church makes me feel like an empty-nester whose kids are leaving home and testing their wings, when I'm only 24! So many of them have such rough home situations that I wish I could just take them home with me right now...but not only would their parents not look favorably on that, I would have no way of giving them what they need - only God can. I have a hard enough time just keeping my own head above water sometimes, I can't imagine what I'll be like when I have my own kids, if I feel this weary when I'm working with ones that I only see a few times a week! It reminds me of a beautiful hymn, which speaks so beautifully of the only reason ministry, and the Christian life in general is possible:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

• I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
  Every hour I need Thee;
  Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
  I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.
~Annie Hawks, 1872