I had a terrible, horrible dream last night

You see, it was one of those dreams in which you dream about waking up and getting ready for the day and doing everything you would usually do after really waking up. Except this time, when I opemed the curtains in my kitchen to let the sunshine in while I ate breakfast, I looked out onto a yard covered in SNOW! A whole foot of it, freshly fallen that night, with freezing winds and everything. Needless to say, I panicked, because in real life, for the past few days we have finally been having the most GORGEOUS spring weather here in Houghton - sunshine, warmth, blue skies, the whole deal. But with it still being March, there is still that teeny-tiny voice that says, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched - winter may come back again..." My dream came from that voice. And when I opened the curtains to see another beautiful sunshiny day, with no snow, I defiantly mentally squashed the source of that evil little voice, and proceeded to wear sandals to work as a step of faith in the permanence of spring! Please stay, beautiful spring weather!

Things that make me smile...

• The sun shining outside!
• The uber-cold, tasty water I'm drinking right now (How is water tasty? Well, it's quite simple, really. It doesn't taste like minerals, or iron, or sulfur, or pipes, or refrigerator - just like water!)
• Music
• Backrubs
  
• Books (especially those which are read for fun!)
  
• Earl Grey tea with milk and raw sugar
  
• Being tickled by the whiskers of a hamster named Shelby
• Sharing my house with Amy and Katrina (and Paul, too)
• Gilmore Girls marathons
• Extra-super-duper-dark chocolate
• God's unfailing love
  
• This... :)Together again, at last! Never to say goodbye again!
• You, and the fact that you are here, reading this blog :)
  

Juror #16

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Becca, who was learning how to make it in the adult world. With her own car, her own job, her own house to pay rent on, her own bills, there was only one thing missing in order for her to be considered a full grown-up: jury duty. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I have now joined the ranks of those responsible (*cough*) adult citizens of this country who have been called upon for this duty and privilege. Today I sat in the Allegany County Courthouse all morning with 49 other lucky people, watching a video on the importance of the jury in the American judicial system, being introduced to the case and all of the procedures of the court, and keeping our fingers crossed that our number wouldn't be drawn!


I was number 16, and there were a few times my breath caught in my throat as the county clerk pulled out a number from the bin and started reading, "Sixt.." (oh, crap, could I really handle sitting on a jury for as long as it takes?) "Sixty-five." Phew! Then again, "Sixt..."(Do I really think that I'm qualified to determine what justice is?) "Sixty-eight." Thank You, Lord! So number 16 was never called, and I will not have to report for jury duty again for another 6 years at least. Part of me was almost disappointed, because it would have been really interesting to experience an actual, real criminal trial (it was for grand larceny and possession of stolen property), as opposed to only the dramatized TV-versions. But part of me was also glad that I can go back to my normal life. Welcome to real life, Becca!

How can you not like maple syrup?

Yesterday, a bunch of us from the Athletic Department went out to the Maple Tree Inn for lunch. Mmm...all-you-can-eat buchwheat pancakes, with their own homemade maple syrup, and locally raised & cured sausage...But in the midst of this scrumptious feasting, Sandy decided to order a hamburger for her lunch. WHAT? Go to the Maple Tree Inn and eat a HAMBURGER? When I asked her why, if it was just because she wasn't in the mood for pancakes, she replied, "No, I just don't like maple syrup." WHAT? I don't get it.

Hoarse, but worth it...

This was probably the most jam-packed weekend of the semester so far! But also one of the best. On Friday, I left early from work to go with 15 of our youth to the our annual Youth Advance, at a ranch outside of Erie, PA. There were only 3 girls, but that made our interactions that much more fun, intense, and bonding, and created space for vulnerability that wouldn't have been there in a larger group. We went on a horseback trail ride, made it through their team-building low ropes course, shot archery, and learned how to throw tomahawks (!!!!!) - when I finally managed to embed one of them in the log target, I just about burst my buttons. I felt like Sully, on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman! Well, except I don't think I have his deadly accuracy... :) But besides having fun, we also did a lot of talking, sharing, and learning, under our theme of "What on earth am I here for?" You should have seen how some of them responded! How is it that You are loved with an everlasting Love, and you were made to love and be loved can be so new and incredible and simple and revolutionary, and yet also so hard to live out? You'd think that, for some of them, it was the first time they had really heard that they were worth something - worth so much, in fact, that the perfect Son of God would die the most humiliating death in the world for them. And it was amazing to see how they started acting differently towards each other when they started realizing that, the same things that made them valuable, also made everyone else in the room valuable! The insults and teasing decreased, there was more generosity, more grace, more kindness...I hope it doesn't just stay at the ranch, but that we'll continue to see it manifest at youth group tonight!

So, thoroughly exhausted after that (although very content), I went to a 2-hour rehearsal for our Easter musical, then straight from there to the Casting Crowns/Nichole Nordeman/Josh Bates concert at St. Bonaventure's with Laura & Walter. WOW!!!! But it was all worth it. The concert was phenomenal, and all my exhaustion evaporated in the excitement of being in a packed-out gym on a (mostly) secular campus singing praises to the Almighty God, Maker and Sustainer of all things! It was so great that one of the first people on stage was one of the friars from their friary, welcoming everyone there in his brown robe, standing right next to the drumset and electric guitar. :)

Katrina and I always tease each other that all the music the other one likes sounds the same...for me, even though I like all sorts of music, there is one genre that I really love, which basically consists of a guy and his guitar. Hence, if you go through my music collection, you will find a very large selection of such music...(Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Chris Rice, Shane & Shane, Bebo Norman, to name a few)...which is why it made me so happy when for the opening act, Josh Bates walked onto the stage with an acoustic guitar and stood at the center stage mic, by himself, with his guitar. There he was, all curly-haired and 23 years old and singing songs that he had composed himself about life and God, and then when he pulled out his mandolin and started playing these ridiculous licks, I think I would've started drooling right then and there if the 6-year-old kid sitting behind me hadn't accidentally kicked me in the back...So I now join the ranks of those-who-have-small-crushes-on-people, along with Rachel Schumacher and Dave Steele...except I'm slightly more pathetic, 'cause I never actually MET Josh Bates. But he DOES know I exist!

You see, at intermission of the Casting Crowns part of the concert, Mark Hall (the lead singer) asked all the people who work in youth ministry to come to a room backstage to get some materials that they put out, and also to invite us to participate in the concert as prayer team/altar counselors. So I got a bag with response cards and pencils and stood in my aisle and gave the cards to people to fill out as they responded to the speaker, and prayed with them. But before this time came, the concert was still going on, but my friend Hilary and I couldn't get back to our seats, so we just hung out in the empty balcony right next to where we had met with Mark Hall, and watched the rest of the concert from there. We were right next to the stage, and so we got a great view of all the stuff going on behind the scenes, from all the people at the sound and video boards to the artists getting ready to go back onstage. (At one point, I was standing right next to the railing and Nichole Nordeman was 15 feet below me on the floor directly under us!) Well, at one point during the second half of the concert Josh Bates strapped on his mandolin and joined the band onstage for a few songs, and at this point in time Hil and I are singing along, with nobody else within about 50 feet of us, and when Josh turned towards us we waved, and he smiled. And for the whole rest of the time he was up there, he kept turning towards us and playing and singing at us. And only us. So, for at least 10 minutes, he knew I existed. And I'm pathetic, I know. Laugh at me! I laugh at myself! But, come on, you've got to admit that it's fun to entertain, even for a day, the thought of dating someone who is on a music tour across the country, to be able to pop in a CD and say, "Oh, by the way, this amazing music we're listening to? Yeah, I'm dating him..." *insert silly, impish grin here*

OK, OK, so all Jr. High-ness aside, even without Josh Bates, the weekend and the concert were phenomenal, smashing, and unforgettable! No words or pictures do it justice.

Time for a change of scenery...

I know! *gasp* It isn't GREEN? Ah, you thought that everything I owned was green, didn't you? Well, you are almost right. Except I decided to change things up...at least for a little while...maybe I'll start missing green so much I'll bring it back. Or maybe I'll fall in love with another colour and expand my colour palette, much to the delight of many of you. :)

An update on my weekend is coming soon...

St. Patrick's Day trivia...

Did you know that, this year, the Catholic Church officially made an exception to its Lenten Friday meat ban for St. Patrick's Day? Yep, that's right. Apparently, corned beef and other meaty delicacies are too important on this day to give up. That would be like asking them to give up beer for today! Absolutely inconceivable! So I guess Friday fish fry might be moved to Saturday this week... :)

I have never known the meaning of hunger. Or thirst. I wish there were some way to transport the abundant water from the spring in my backyard to these 3.7 million people who have none. If only it were that simple...

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up
And warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace may be another world away
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please...
(~Nichole Nordeman)

On my way to work today, I passed a Hummer on Route 19. I think that's the first time I've ever seen one of those completely unnecessary and superfluous vehicles in Allegany County. And it made me so mad! How is it that just the sight of one measly 4-wheeled vehicle can affect me so much? I almost wanted to "accidentally" hit it. (Except I don't think my Talullah would've done much damage...) Maybe I need some practice in patience.

raindrops keep falling on my head...

earlier today water was pouring down from the sky, and now it's drizzling outside, and if there were any doubts in your mind before about how i feel about rain, let it be known that i have definitively decided - i love rain! why do i love rain? well, let me tell you!

• the amazingly soothing sound it makes on the roof
• the way it beads up on the windows, and runs down the panes of glass in tiny rivulets
• the smell of rain...sigh...
• the smell after the rain
• the puddles, oh, the puddles!
• the soft, springy feeling of the ground when you go for a walk after it's rained
• standing outside in the rain, with my face turned up to the sky, eyes closed, letting it wash over me from head to toe
• the fact that it washes my car for me :)
• the way it makes everything greener
• lightning! so beautiful...
• the way thunder rattles the window panes
• the silence after a storm is done, and then the birds start chirping again
  
• i even love the worms that come crawling out onto the sidewalk when it rains...
  
• and when rain is coming down from the sky, it means it's warm! no freezing on its way through the atmosphere! :)
  

Wonderful find of the day:

http://stoneworkjournal.blogspot.com/ - An online literary/art journal published by Prof. John Leax, David Huth, and several Houghton Writing students. Wonderful. You should look into it sometime. I wish I could write like that...

Feliz Dia Internacional da Mulher!

Last year, on International Women's Day, I was talking to someone who was (half-jokingly) indignant about the fact that there's a Women's Day, but no Men's Day. At which point, said person (who happened to be a man) was not-so-gently reminded by every woman in the room that EVERY day of the year is Men's Day. For example, we celebrate national holidays on the birthdays of important people in our history, such as Presidents, and ALL of them are men! Since we haven't had any women as President, I guess I can't complain too much on that count... But we also have Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, to celebrate his contribution to the civil rights movement - so why don't we also have a day celebrating the contributions to the women's rights movement? I mean, would it be that unreasonable to have Elizabeth Cady Stanton Day, or Susan B. Anthony Day? :) (This is just me getting on my soapbox...hehehe...)

Anyways, for all you women out there, happy Women's Day! And for all you wonderful women in my life - Amy, Katrina, Rachel, Michelle, Tegan, Carina, Deanna, Cherith, Amy Rogers, Mom, Grandma, Laura, Karen, Aunt Cindy, Aunt Susan, Christine, Aunt Jodi, Jillian...and so many more - I am so thankful for you, so blessed by you! I am a better woman because of you. Here's to you!

A man is a great thing upon the earth, and through eternity--but
every jot of the greatness of man is unfolded out of woman,
First the man is shaped in the woman, he can then be shaped in
himself.

Walt Whitman :)

I just couldn't resist...

Most of you probably know that I need very little incentive to talk, or write, or even think, extensively on any issue. And for that reason, in response to Sam's comment on my last post, I will gladly offer more of my thoughts on Lent and sacrifice! :) Thanks, Sam, for your thoughts. And for your invitation to dialogue...be careful! You just might get what you asked for! (*grins*)

Part of me, like you, cringes at seeing Lenten vows become more like New Year's resolutions than sacrifices pleasing to a Holy God. I don't want this season to be my excuse to get rid of all the excesses I'm not motivated enough to get rid of during the rest of the year! That's like all the times I've arrived at church forgetting it's Communion Sunday, then upon seeing the bread & wine on the table at the front of the sanctuary, spending the first part of the service madly sorting through my heart in search for all the sins I may not have confessed so that I can partake without the weight of a guilty conscience. (And I have a feeling I'm not the only one who's ever done that before...) The "binging and purging" mentality so many people have of Christianity turns my stomach, and it makes me even more disgusted when I turn around the magnifying glass and see it in my own self. (And I'm afraid I see it in myself more often than I'd care to admit...) I don't want to use Christ's sacrifice as a salve for my guilty conscience - the Word did not become flesh in order to make me feel better about my life, but to draw all people to the Father, as a thief to steal the hearts of men and women and even children. To build a Kingdom on grace and love. To show us just how holy God created us to be, how devastatingly we all fall short, and then turn around and pave the way for us to be made holy through His own blood and His Spirit.

A love that is based on sacrifice is somewhat foreign to this world - or at least partly. We're OK when someone sacrifices out of love for us. But when we're called to sacrifice, that's quite another story! And yet when I think about sacrifice in the Christian life, I can't help but come up with two different kinds of sacrifice. One is the sacrifice of the "old self", the getting rid of things that are truly hindrances, the sifting and pulling and burning away the things that are unpleasing to God. This is a very necessary sacrifice, one we are called to make as followers of Christ! But this is not where it ends. We aren't only called to sacrifice the things we'd be glad to get rid of. We are also called to sacrifice good things - the best things, as you so well pointed out, things that we love and hold dear. This is the truest of all truths! The cost of discipleship is high, and it requires ALL of us, not just part; the surrendering of ALL things for the sake of gaining Christ. It involves being led where we may not want to go, as Jesus told Peter. And, for Lent, I think it is particularly significant that we give up something we enjoy.

Honestly, one of the main reasons I am giving up caffeinated beverages is because I enjoy them. A lot! I mean, I love chocolate, but I honestly don't eat it very often (maybe once a week, if I'm lucky), so it would feel kind of small to give up something I already mostly do without, anyways. Coffee, on the other hand, I drink every day, more than once. And while I have been realizing, now that I've stopped consuming caffeine, that I rely on it a lot more than I thought (as evidenced by my much-more-frequent yawning throughout the day...), I mostly just miss the taste of coffee, the feel of the warm mug in my hand while I'm answering the phone here at work, the comfortable part it has in my daily routine. Which is why I'm not even drinking decaf coffee during Lent. The awareness of my dependence on caffeine has certainly been eye-opening, and it is helping me learn what my limitations really are, (how much sleep I really need! hehehe...) but the primary purpose of my fast is not to get rid of something in my life that I see as being bad. It is because I live a fairly simple life, and there are very few things in which I take pleasure that are not crucial to my existence, my sanity, and my emotional/spiritual well-being at this point in time. I don't think that giving up any kind of food would be healthy for me right now, because I've been having a hard enough time eating healthily recently due to a lot of emotional stress. Other things I really enjoy? People - definitely can't give up people. :) Reading - I live alone, so if I gave up reading, I'd be stuck alone with my thoughts for far more time than I already do, and with where I'm at right now, that wouldn't be healthy, either. Music - I'd thought about it, but then again, I live alone, and music is one of the key ways in which I worship, in which I keep my focus on God instead of getting trapped in my own mind, thinking about things that would be best left alone. I gave up coffee so that, in missing something that I truly enjoy, which is part of my routine every day, I will have a reminder, whenever I crave it or miss it, that I need Christ in my routine that much more. And not just as another part of my routine, but permeating every single part of my routine. That, in the end, is the point of any sacrifice, I think - not the thing that is given up per se, but rather the space that is created in our hearts and lives for God to fill us more fully. Is that not what the Psalmist says? "'I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills'...You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." He doesn't want the things that I give up for Him. He doesn't need those things. He wants the ME, the YOU, that can be more fully His when we give up those things. When we sacrifice the bad habits AND the good things, to create more room in our lives for Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to work and make us anew day by day.

Holy Spirit, come restore, renew! That is my Lenten prayer - only a magnification of what I long to be my prayer every day - "Lord, I lay all of me down as a sacrifice to You today. Take whatever pieces of me You need to take. Only give me Your love, Yourself, in return. Use me as You see fit." As Dan Holcomb put it so well, perhaps after a lifetime of Ash Wednesdays and Lenten seasons, that prayer will become ingrained in the whole of my life.

So there you have it, Sam - those are some of my thoughts, although I'm sure I could go on for a lot longer... :)

Are you giving anything up for Lent this year?

I didn't start doing it until I came to college, because I didn't really understand why it was important, what Lent was and what it meant to give something up for it. I thought of Easter mainly as a celebration, and didn't think too much about the church's 40-day season of penitence and mourning that comes before it. But I have been learning to love this season, the silence, the meditation, the reflection, the shedding rid of superfluous things to focus on Christ. As far as I can understand it, these are the main reasons why we sacrifice something or abstain from something for Lent:

as a discipline for learning self-control, to free our minds from the chase after material things,

as a reminder of Christ's sufferings and what our true pleasures are as followers of Christ,

as an act of sorrow over our sin.

Would you call me crazy if I told you that I even craved this season of denial? It is refreshing to be free. It is good to be reminded that there is a season for mourning. But that even in the midst of our mourning, we mourn as those who have hope, a sorrow that coexists with joy.

So, it is decided. I will give up coffee for Lent this year. And any sort of caffeinated beverage. (I say beverage because if I said ALL caffeine that would mean chocolate, too! I can do either/or, but not both at once...) So no more perpetual cup of coffee here on my desk next to my left hand. And no more Earl Grey tea after dinner as I curl up on the couch with a book...hmm...maybe I'll have to procure some decaf Earl Grey...But don't worry, I won't cheat and do decaf coffee, too. Coffee is completely out for the next 40 days. It will be a good reminder - whenever I reach for my coffee mug during the day and it isn't there, hopefully it will remind me to pray, to praise, to be mindful of my state and my need to reach for God, for Him to reach for me.

Now, just like in Christian discipleship it isn't enough just to be emptied of all sin, but to also be filled up with Christ's righteousness, the point of giving up something for Lent isn't necessarily the sacrifice. It's the change in us that happens when we sacrifice. It's the room that is freed up, when we pare down unnecessaries and simplify, to be filled with good things. Like prayer, reconciliation, service...So along those same lines, in addition to giving up caffeinated drinks, I'm also adding in regular exercise - 3x a week. That's right, baby! I'll go running this week for the first time this year! :)

So, are you giving anything up for Lent this year? Not that I'm trying to pressure you, or anything - I'm just curious about what kinds of things other people do. :)