Sometimes I feel very foolish. And then I am reminded that I'm in good company...

Seems I've imagined Him all of my life
As the wisest of all of mankind,
But if God's Holy wisdom is foolish to men
He must have seemed out of His mind.

For even His family said He was mad,
And the priests say a demon's to blame,
But God in the form of this angry young man
Could not have seemed perfectly sane.

We in our foolishness thought we were wise -
He played the Fool and He opened our eyes.
We in our weakness believed we were strong -
He became helpless to show we were wrong.
And so we follow God's own Fool,
For only the foolish can tell.
Believe the unbelievable!
Come be a fool as well!

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son,
For a madman who died for a dream,
And you'll feel the faith His first followers had,
And you'll feel the weight of the beam.

So surrender the hunger to say you must know,
Have the courage to say "I believe."
For the power of paradox opens your eyes
And blinds those who say they can see.

We in our foolishness thought we were wise -
He played the Fool and He opened our eyes.
We in our weakness believed we were strong -
He became helpless to show we were wrong.
And so we follow God's own Fool,
For only the foolish can tell.
Believe the unbelievable!
Come be a fool as well!

~God's Own Fool, by Michael Card (now playing in my computer...)

Whoever invented Skype is a genius. Truly a genius. My favourite Christmas present of all this year was completely free because of that person (or those people...) - 3 conversations with my family in Brazil!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!! Myself, my sister Karen, my brother-in-law Brian, Aunt Jodi, Grandma, and my cousins Jillian and James gathered around a computer microphone in Michigan, sharing love and laughter and stories and news with my parents and my brother Ben around a computer in Sao Paulo. Truly a Christmas blessing beyond measure!

The coolest part, that made my day and made me smile and cry all at the same time, was when ALL of my immediate family was wishing each other Merry Christmas and saying I LOVE YOU, from 3 different locations in the world. Two computers and a phone, conference-called through Skype - us here in Michigan, my Mom, Dad & Ben in Brazil, and Laura and Walter in Dewittville, NY - love and joy mediated by amazing technology. Almost as good as a real full-family group hug. The arms of God truly cover very long distances!

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas, my friends, with the new traditions that are being forged during your first Christmas on your own, first Christmas as married people, first Christmas in a foreign land. I am sending you all a Christmas hug, via blog and via prayer! And a few Christmas pictures, for fun. :)

Long-distance family Christmas - hooray for Skype!

This one's for all of you who didn't have a white Christmas! No, sorry, I can't take any credit for the making of that snowman...I just stole the photo opp :)

Someone once told me that dogs can sense our emotions - like fear and sadness. Moose was good therapy this weekend. I wish I could have a dog...

Someone, I don't really know who, once said, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Losing is hard. But I think that person knew what they were talking about, whoever they were.

Here's to a Love that will never be lost! A Love that we celebrate this week, having come to earth enfleshed in the body of a baby boy named Jesus.

Help!!! I've been tagged!!!!!!!

OK, Katrina Joy, I am succumbing to the blog-tag frenzy...just because I love you...here goes...

Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yours" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ/blog/xanga entry about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I sleep with 3 teddy bears every night. I hug Honey and Nameless, and Snowball goes in between my knees to keep my back in a neutral position (the eternal physical therapist in me...). And, with the influence of Cherith Reynolds - oops! I mean Cherith Meeks - I have also started heating up a corn sack in the microwave before bed and keeping it by my feet. My feet always get cold at night.

2. I don't feel like paying a company to come pick up my trash for me, so instead I (sheepishly) take my garbage bags out of the can and tie them up, then place them in the trunk of my car for transport to Houghton College, where I surreptitiously deposit them in one of the many dumpsters around campus. For free. hehehe...

3. I brush my teeth for 15 minutes before going to bed at night. All those who have ever been my roommates think I'm nuts because of it, but I bite my thumb at you scoffers of long night-time toothbrushings! I have never had a cavity in my life, and I plan to have such impeccable dental hygiene that I never have to pay for a filling or a crown! Well, maybe I'll eventually have to pay for dentures...but hopefully my excellent tooth-brushing habits will help delay that, too. :)

4. I talk to the drivers of other cars while I'm driving, generally calling them "Buddy," often chiding them for being stupid or offering them advice on how to be less stupid. For example, "Whoa, Buddy, stay on your side of the yellow line!" Or "Get off my tail, Buddy! You're not going to make the speed limit go up or make the double yellow line disappear by riding my bumper!" Or, my personal favourite, whenever someone passes me in a no-passing zone, or insists that they have to go faster than me even though I'm already going 65 in a 55, I smile a plastic smile and wave and say, "Have a nice day! Drive safe! I hope you get pulled over!" (no sarcasm at all...)

5. I love baking - it's cathartic for me - but I don't always get around to eating what I bake. I'd much rather give it away. For example, I made snickerdoodles and sugar cookies last week, and gave about half of each of them away, but only ended up eating about 2 of each myself. So I still have at least a dozen of each sitting at home. And I also have a little bit of hot fudge cake left, that I made for our office Christmas party, and 1/4 of a pumpkin pie in my fridge, and a few dozen more cookies that I just made last night - half of which I am taking to youth group tonight, and half of which I have no idea what to do with. Do any of you like gingersnaps? :) I bake for the sake of baking, not necessarily for the sake of eating what I bake..call me crazy.

There, I did it! The sad thing is, though, that since most of my blogging friends have already been tagged, I may have to resort to only tagging 4 people myself...Chuck, Cherith, Fuller man, and Ben Howard, YOU'RE IT!!!! :)

By the way, have a blessed Christmas, all!

A very eventful weekend...

Chuck and Cherith got married!!! It was beautiful, and now they are one. Crazy. Wonderful.

And DAN IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

And cross-cultural transition is hard...especially when you're on the outside looking in. I'm used to being the one going through it, not the one watching, and I hate the feeling of having my hands tied behind my back, like I'm about as useful as a fire hydrant. Except fire hydrants can't pray. Or give backrubs. Or make Christmas cookies. On second thought, maybe I don't feel so much like a fire hydrant.

And I am very thankful for God's grace.

The countdown's getting lower every day...

Did you ever sing that song in Sunday school when you were a kid? I used to love counting down from 10 while progressively decreasing the space between my hands, until at the end of the countdown we would all clap our hands together really loudly..."The count(CLAP)down's getting lower every day!"

Well, for me, it's down to 2, and I can hardly wait until the part when I can clap my hands. Or better yet, when I can clasp one of my hands together with another hand that belongs to a very tall Daniel. In 2 days, 2 hours, and 20 minutes, there will be a big hullaballoo at the Rochester airport as Dan is mobbed by the hugs of a mom, a dad, a sister, a brother, and a girlfriend who are incredibly glad that he is home. Between now and then, I will go to Chuck & Cherith's wedding, sing in my church's Christmas musical, clean my messy room, and try to eat and sleep although I may be slightly too nervous for the last two...

Wow - the next time I sit down at this desk, I will be grinning to put the Cheshire cat to shame. Because the countdown will be over and Dan will be home. :)

Today's Advent reading:

No one can celebrate
a genuine Christmas
without being truly poor.
The self-sufficient, the proud,
those who, because they have
everything, look down on others,
those who have no need
even of God - for them there
will be no Christmas.
Only the poor, the hungry,
those who need someone
to come on their behalf,
will have that someone.
That someone is God.
Emmanuel. God-with-us.
Without poverty of spirit
there can be no abundance of God.
- Oscar Romero

I am keenly aware of how gaping my own insufficiencies are, of how much I need a Saviour to come on my behalf and do in me what I cannot do for myself - bring new LIFE! And even as we pray, "Come, Lord Jesus," we know that He has already come, that He is already here, dwelling in our midst, in our very lives - Emmanuel, God is with us. Hallelujah!

Reunions...

Chuck and Cherith came down last night, and it is so refreshing to see them together again, after a long and very hard 6 months of long-distance! Spending time with them was such a blessing, but you know what? It was possibly even more wonderful just to sit back and watch them interact, watch them talk and laugh together and look at each other with love in their eyes, seeing them marvel at the rediscovery that they can actually reach out and hug each other if they want to, instead of instinctively reaching out to each other by reaching for the phone or the computer keyboard.

And then there's also the joyful news from Japan about the reunion of three sister-friends from Houghton College - Amy, Rachel, and Katrina - being reunited in a context VERY different from the Houghton in which they were used to living out their relationship. And yet, somehow, friendship is always familiar, even when transplanted from small-town America to Sendai, Japan. Rachel's hugs are the same, Amy's laughter, Katrina's funny faces in brackets - all reminders of how incredible the blessing of friendship is, and how amazing God's grace in giving us incredible people with whom to share this journey called life! People in whose company my heart is at ease, free to simply BE, knowing that as we ARE together, God moves in our midst and uses our together-ness to make us all stronger, more loving, more receptive to His voice, and ultimately better disciples of the Christ we all serve, through the Holy Spirit. The reunion of friends is something that brings a smile from the deepest part of me and sends tingles down to my fingers and toes. I hope you are having a wonderful time in Japan, sisters of mine! :)

Watching all of these reunions, I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly glad I am that my own reunion with a very significant friend named Daniel is only 6 days away!!!!!!!!!! Finally... Right now, the place where said nervous giddiness resides is right in the pit of my stomach, in the form of butterflies that just won't calm down. I feel like I'm in 8th grade again.

Today, I officially feel (almost) like a grown-up.

I set up and decorated my very own Christmas tree for the very first time last night! (With Sarah, of course.)

And to top it all off I also changed my very own burnt-out headlight on my very own car. Without instructions or an owner's manual. Just my hands and a flashlight and the analytical, problem-solving brain God gave me, tinkering under the hood of my car until the old bulb was out and the new bulb was in and the wires were all re-connected. So I'm no longer a p'diddle. And I still have some black grime under my fingernails from the whole venture, but it is a very fulfilling kind of dirty. Like the satisfying soreness in your legs after a long run, or the satisfying tingling in your fingers & toes as you thaw out over a mug of hot chocolate inside a warm house after shoveling a foot of snow off the driveway. Here's to having two functional headlights again! Booyah!

(Oh, the reason I added in the "almost" in the first sentence of this post is because I still sleep with 3 teddy bears. I don't think that qualifies me to be fully grown-up yet...)

Sometimes, I talk too much...and am so focused on making sure I say everything I want to say that I don't stop to think about whether or not what I'm saying is actually helpful to the person on the other end of the conversation. Sometimes, I forget to listen...to really listen to what's going on in people's hearts and lives, not so that while listening I can be thinking up the perfect response or solution, but simply so that in listening my heart may embrace them more completely, and love them more completely. Without an agenda.

And, sadly enough, I find that I do the same thing with God on a fairly regular basis. I rattle off my concerns, my frustrations, my problems, and even my joys, and then I say "Phew! Thanks for listening, Lord! I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest. Well, talk to You later!" Then I go about my day, and I forget to listen for His voice unless I'm in a bind, unless I'm lonely and need comfort, or I've fallen flat on my face and I need to be picked back up again. When in reality what I need is to be continually attentive to His voice, so that reliance on Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are worked into the very fabric of my daily existence, so that I don't have to run to Him when something comes up because I've been walking close beside Him all along. Open my ears, Lord, teach me to listen!

So, about that Christmas tree...

I got one for free!!!!! :) That's right. That's what happens when you have a wonderful sister and brother-in-law who are moving into a new house, and you help them paint and clean, and they bestow upon you the artificial Christmas tree that their pastor had bestowed upon them for their first Christmas. So I get to start my official Christmas decorating and cookie-baking this week! Hooray!!!! :) Once my arms recover from the incredible soreness of painting a dining room, bedroom, and study, that is...And I still don't have a nativity scene, but I'm working on it.

On another note, today is the day when I am all grins and smiles for my dear friends Chuck and Cherith, whose long-distance countdown ends TODAY!!!!!! :) Cherith and I have been in pretty much the same boat ever since June, with both of us staying behind here in Western New York while the men in our lives roamed the country together in a purple minivan, visiting 26 states and 18 national parks (did I get that right?) in one summer. And then, after a very brief teaser of time together, those men once again headed off into the wild blue yonder, this time to study abroad - Chuck to Australia, and Dan to Costa Rica. So now, after months and months of ridiculously difficult apart-ness, in which God's grace has sustained us all, and in which His love has carried us when ours felt shaky and inadequate, the time for love expressed through words over long distances, spoken or in writing, is now becoming the time to flesh out those words in actions, in the sharing of day-to-day life, and in sharpening each other daily to become better disciples of the Christ who has called us His own. My joy overflows for you two today!!!! May God's grace continue to carry your love, always. See you at the wedding! :)

For me, the countdown is down to 13 days! 13 days until I will share the backseat of the Fuller family minivan with a tall, handsome man named Daniel, on the way home from the airport, along with his parents and Jonathan. 13 days until we can talk for however long we want to or need to, in person, without having to worry about how much the long-distance phone bill is going to cost. 13 days until Dan will once again be surrounded by Houghton snow (hahaha...) instead of sub-tropical heat, which will give him ample motivation to stay inside where it's warm. With his family. And with me. :) (P.S. -We still have 5 1/2 books left to read in the Chronicles of Narnia, in case we ever run out of things to talk about! Although I seriously doubt that is going to happen anytime soon...) 13 days, baby!

You know you work in the Athletic Department when...

...you decorate the office for Christmas and still have a sports theme. For example, we have a string of Adidas sneaker-shaped lights (you know, those classic white ones with 3 blue stripes and the rubber of the sole coming up over the toe?)...And we have a whole bunch of "Air Santas," little plastic Santas flying through the air pretending to dunk basketballs. (They used to be on a string of lights, too, but then that string of lights broke, and now we have a dozen identical Air Santas stuck to the windows and mirrors and picture frames in the office.) At least we didn't have to decorate with the Highlander purple & gold theme! :)

Decorating the office for Christmas reminds me that I haven't gotten any of my own Christmas decorations out of their boxes yet at my own house...much less put any of them up. This is the first time I'll have a house of my own to decorate!!! Too bad the only decorations I own are a few strings of lights and multi-colored glass balls to hang on the tree that I don't have...I didn't have the wonderful genius of Tegan & Michael Kroening Diercks, to buy one after last year's Christmas for 7 dollars. So I guess maybe Sarah and I will decorate the hanging house plant in our front window instead. Or maybe we'll splurge on a real tree, or buy a little artificial one because then you don't have to remember to water it. :) But the most important Christmas decorating element of all, I don't have - a nativity scene. (Well, my landlady has a very cheesy light-up set for the yard, which she made sure she showed to me before they left...But I don't think I'll be putting that up anytime soon!) Note to self: find a nice nativity scene soon. We had one in every room growing up. Well, except the bathroom. :) And we had one that we would stick to our windows, too, kind of like a flannel-graph except all white and made out of plastic/rubber so it stuck to glass, not flannel. We always had a tree, but there was only one tree, and Jesus was everywhere you looked! I loved that about Christmas in our house. I want to make sure that I have at least one baby Jesus in a manger in my house this year, with Mary and Joseph and the shepherds and sheep, and angels, marvelling at the Great I Am, who created the universe, shrinking Himself down to the size of a crying infant who needed diaper changes, in order to draw us back into the heart of the God...simply astounding!

And you know what else is astounding? In exactly 17 days, I will once again be swept up in the arms of a tall and handsome man named Daniel, whom I love, and who astoundingly loves me back! How blessed I am, indeed. Phenomenally blessed.

Katrina Joy, Shelby says hi! :)

Bexx-n-Shelby 2
Originally uploaded by beccaruth.

We took a ton of pictures, and Shelby was so hyper that only these two came out with a Shelby that wasn't a big blur! He was excited to see you. :)

This one's for you, Danny boy...

Bexx-n-Shelby 1
Originally uploaded by beccaruth.

I love you!!!!!!

In this first week of Advent, the beginning of the season of expectation, the words to my favourite Advent hymn have been echoing around in my head and my heart.

O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orders all things far and nigh;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
All peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and sorrow cease,
Fill the whole world with heaven's peace.
REJOICE! REJOICE!
Emmanuel has come to Thee, O Israel.

Amen. Starting in each of our hearts, may the awe that Emmanuel has, indeed come, fill us with joyful and fruitful anticipation of the day when He will come again. Rejoice!

my not-so-little brother...

This is what happens when you don't see your family very often...all of a sudden, your little brother is HUGE!!! My parents sent me this picture, taken a few weeks ago, and I could hardly believe my eyes. The happy couple on the left is my parents, then my brother Ben in the back with his curly red mop blowing in the wind, and finally my Aunt Pat and Uncle Tom (he's my mom's "little" brother...). They went to Sao Paulo to spend a week with my family a few weeks ago, which was awesome! Both of my mom's siblings have now managed to go down to Brazil and see my parents in their "natural habitat," and I think it has truly been a blessing for all those involved. They're standing in the parking lot of the Pan American Christian Academy, the school I went to (from Kindergarten through 12th grade!), with the administrative office building/library in the background. Note the palm trees - it's summer there!!!!! :)

Katrina, this next one's for you...if you thought Ben was scary when he was shorter than us, I can't imagine what you'd do if you bumped into him now! :) This is Ben's best impression of a scary pirate, from my High School in Brazil's production of The Pirates of Penzance a few weeks ago. (It's very strange to me that, in the past 5 years, PACA has done a big musical drama production every year, with about half of the high school involved every time! When I was a student, let's just say that drama wasn't the most popular 8th period elective class...For example, my Junior year, we had to scrounge around looking for a play that had an all-female cast! Because there were NO GUYS who signed up! We couldn't even do something like Little Women, because we would at least have needed a guy to play the crucial part of the March family's suave neighbour Laurie. You see, we weren't allowed to have girls dressed up as men pretending to be men. But now, they don't seem to have any trouble getting guys to be in the plays! And singing and dancing, nonetheless! My, how times have changed...) So without further ado, here is my handsome pirate brother!

But don't let the picture fool you - he's really a sweetheart. :) Love you, bro!!!!!!!!

So, tomorrow I don't have to work. Or the next day. Or the next day...and so on, until MONDAY! It's strange, but I almost wish I had a paper to work on (I know, call me crazy), because I have no idea what I'll do with myself for 5 days! 5 days without work? Without papers and things to keep my mind busy? 5 days at home alone? Well, I guess I'm exaggerating a little, because I won't really be home alone for all 5 days...

On Thanksgiving Thursday I'll be around people - at Glenn & Maxine Cockle's, to be precise, with loads of other people including the adorable Clancey! And I may also be able to stop by the Fuller residence for a few hours to play games and chat and talk to Dan's grandparents about growing up in Brazil. Depending on how awake we all still are after the turkey effect kicks in. :) Then Friday, Laura and Walter, Karen and Brian, and myself will head up to Aunt Susan & Uncle Edgar's house in Niagara Falls, for a belated Thanksgiving dinner and lots of games...They're from the Clark side of the family, not the Myers side, and the whole Clark clan are board game fiends! Especially word games, like Speed Scrabble, or Boggle, or Balderdash, although they have been known on occasion to play Cranium or Pictionary. (No, we're not going to hit the stores on "the biggest Christmas shopping day of the year"...I think it's dumb, not to mention stressful, and I would much rather spend time with people eating, talking, and playing games than shopping!) It will be wonderful to be together with my family again, and to celebrate Thanksgiving twice - I have double reasons to be thankful! :)

But, all the same, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the other 3 days...I will sleep in and read a few books, probably bake at least once, take a bubble bath, clean my room, finally put together the prayer wall that I've been dreaming about for a month now, and spend much time thanking God for all the wonderful, amazing blessings He's given me out of the depths of His grace, and praying for all of you who are scattered across the world right now. And I will probably be a little bit lonely, and I will probably miss you every day, but maybe the missing will make it that much more wonderful when we meet again. Kind of like sleeping in your own bed is so much nicer after being on the road, sleeping in sleeping bags and on couches. And maybe I'll actually be able to sit down and write in my journal again!!! Something I haven't done in ages, and I really miss it...

Have a blessed Thanksgiving, all my wonderful friends! :)

Let it snow!!!

There is now snow on the ground in Houghton. Covering the grass, making the roads slippery, making the leaf-less trees once again into something beautiful, and driving me inside where it is warm! Ahhh, to curl up on the couch under a blanket with a mug of tea and a good book... :) In spite of my sub-tropical upbringing, I have actually grown to love winter over the past 4 years here at Houghton! It is a little different now that I'm paying my own heating bill...but anyways, I still think it's beautiful, and it reminds me of how in God's vast and wonderful creation, everything is given a time to rest. Right now, the trees are resting, and furry animals are getting ready to tuck away and sleep, and it is extremely good, because that was the way it was meant to be! This is not an empty, bored, thumb-twiddling rest, but a deeply beneficial rest in which healing is taking place and preparations are being made for life to burst forth once again in the fullness of spring. It kind of reminds me of Advent, a season that is all about expectation - Come, Lord Jesus! A season in which we rejoice because we know that He has already come. And in which we are also still waiting - not an empty waiting, but one in which work is being done even now to build into fruition the full redemption that will burst forth when He will come again, for good! It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. Or maybe that's just the cold. :)

And yet, while I love winter for all these reasons, there is still part of me that becomes green with envy when I see pictures of the warm, sunny places where my friends are right now...

This is where Dan was last week, in Cuba.
This is where Amy and Katrina have been travelling, in India and Thailand.
This is where Chuck and Cherith will be moving in a few short months.

Enjoy the sunshine, all you people in warm places! :) I'll make a snowman in your honor and toast you with hot chocolate.

not as the world gives

Every Monday I get an e-mail from the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity, called "Word for the Week," containing the musings of one of their staff members on a certain passage of Scripture. And every Monday when I get to work, I am refreshed and challenged by their words, which come from the overflow of lives laid down daily for the cause of Christ, saturated with the Holy Spirit, pursuing justice and mercy and a daily walk with our God in the midst of a world that cries out for redemption and healing! Here is this week's Word on the peace that passes understanding, a reminder that the peace we have through the Holy Spirit's work in our lives is not an escape from troubles, but a truth that roots us, more deeply than a feeling, in wholeness and security in God:
"The fruit of the Spirit is…peace," Gal.5:22. "My peace I give you," John 14:27.

‘Oh for a bit of peace and quiet’, we may say, troubled by fractious colleagues and sardine-tin commuter trains, or by squabbling children and cold-calling salespeople. Peace perhaps equates to space, time to breathe, respite from stress.

From stress, but also from grief, from fear, from suffering. ‘My heart is in anguish within me’, wrote the psalmist, ‘Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.’ And Keats, in his Ode to a Nightingale, grieving the death of a friend, longed to: Fade far away, dissolve and quite forget What thou among the leaves have never known, The weariness, the fever, and the fret, Here, where men sit and hear each other groan.

So is peace simply escapism? Most people would also see it as something more positive – a feeling of contentment and well-being. Sometimes even the most successful people, having achieved all their material goals, still lament that peace has eluded them.

This is closer to the biblical concept of peace: the Hebrew word shalom implies wholeness, integrity, a harmony between the internal and the external. And Jesus made it plain that the peace he offered was special: ‘My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives’.
Jesus’ peace is not a mere feeling. It is based on truth, and appropriated by faith. ‘Being justified by faith, we have peace with God’ (Rom.5:1). The serenity of heart that the Spirit produces in us is rooted in the security of a healed relationship with God.

Unlike the world’s peace, the Spirit’s peace is independent of circumstances. Besieged by disappointment, grief, sickness, overwork, strife, injustice, we can daily hear the voice of Jesus: ‘In this world … trouble’, but ‘in me, peace’ (John 16:33).
(written by Helen Parry)

This is the kind of peace I long to see come to earth. A peace that is more than just the absence of war and oppression (although it also includes those things), but is an active restoration of wholeness in people, communities, and nations, and a reconciliation of those people to God. A peace that, while working to overcome pain, conflict, famine, nakedness, injustice, and war, establishes our lives solidly on the One in Whom we live and move and have our being, even in the midst of the troubles of this broken world. There is a peace that passes all understanding. May this peace that is much deeper than a feeling guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus this week, and may we join wholeheartedly in the Holy Spirit's work to bring that peace to all people!

Snow fell from the sky today...

I'm not ready for this!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATRINA JOY!!!!!!!!

Even though, for you, it isn't really your birthday any more. Because you're halfway around the world, in Thailand...sigh...

I toasted a mug of hot apple cider in to your good health and wonderful travels, last night at Paul's town house. And part of me wished that, for your birthday, you and Amy and Paul and I could watch tons of episodes of Gilmore Girls in the Arensen's basement and eat cookie dough. I baked cookies this weekend, and I'll eat them with Sarah tonight, while we each read our books and sip tea as Shelby runs around the living room inside his purple hamster ball. :)

Has anyone had any progress inventing tele-transport yet? Because I am craving one last autumn romp in the woods, followed by hours and hours of talking the night away under the stars. But one very crucial element is missing - Daniel Timothy Fuller. Any suggestions?

In honor of Tegan...

Right now, as I sit here at my desk at work, I am eating Skittles. And out of habit, I am putting aside all the purple ones, because that's just how I'm used to eating Skittles. Tegan gets anything grape, Becca gets anything orange, end of discussion! Except now I don't know what to do with the lonely grape ones...maybe you'll just have to come visit me and claim them. :)

But that got me thinking about the way we treat ALL our stuff. Is it as instinctive for me to put aside money, time, food, clothing, and all the other resources God is allowing me to take care of, as it is for me to set aside those grape Skittles? Sadly, no. I have to make a conscious effort to set aside my tithe first when I get my paycheck, otherwise it's easy for me to say, "Well, I've been needing this thing for a long time, so I'll buy it now and tithe double next month." Yeah, right! Like that ever happens! There was a reason that God asked His people to offer Him their firstfruits. It was because He knew that we get wrapped up in space and time and things, and in asking our first step to be dedicated to Him, it would become easier to consider all the following steps His, too. I've been reading Leviticus, and God's perspective on dedicating things to Him is very serious - no cutting corners, no cheating God! Remember Ananias and Saphira? God cannot be hoodwinked. He doesn't want just one piece of us, He wants ALL of us, ALL that we have, so that we can be entirely transformed in the fiery blaze of His holiness. The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it. And, frankly, this is very easy to forget. It doesn't come naturally to us. It, instead, has to be learned, in a daily process some people like to call sanctification. So that, after a while, the decision to turn everything back to God for His praise and the building of His Kingdom becomes a little more reflexive, and the lines start becoming blurred between individual acts of giving, and it starts to look more like a continuous stream of gratitude. Oh, that this may someday be true in my life! In the meantime, with God's help, I continue to need constant reminders to not hold so tightly to anything but nail-pierced hand of our Saviour. As a Body, we all need to remind each other sometimes.

The house that I live in? It isn't mine. Not only does it legally belong to the Yandas, but while I'm in it, the use of that house should also be entirely dedicated to God. That means that if someone needs a place to stay for a while, I would be more than happy to give up my bed and sleep on the couch. If you're tired of Houghton water, come take a soak in my bathtub. If you need a place to relax and get away, come on over, anytime! Lord, glorify Your name in my house. The food that I eat every day? It is not mine. It has been given to me by God, and gifts were never meant to be hoarded, but to be shared. That means that my dinner table is always open for you! Holy Spirit, work in our lives through the food we eat and the people with whom we share it. The clothes that I wear? They are not mine. I thank God for them, especially in the bitter Houghton cold that is quickly approaching. But I have more than enough, and when I can no longer close the drawers on my dresser, it isn't a sign that I need a bigger dresser, it's a sign that I need to do some sorting and giving away. Lord, we make our wardrobes a prayer to you. The car that I drive? The sticker in the window says I own it, but that's not really true. This life that I live every day? It is not mine. I have been crucified with Christ, therefore it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and the life that I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and delivered Himself up for me.

So, thank you, Tegan, for sharing your orange Skittles with me. May we learn to hold nothing back from the One who has given it all to us!

I have never really understood Halloween. Today, on my way to lunch, I passed a pair of guys on the sidewalk who were dressed up as Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. These are college students, and they're going to CLASSES like this! Both of them were carrying light sabres, and Darth Vader's outfit was complete with a helmet that made funny noises when he breathed, and crackled when he talked. I sure hope he didn't wear that helmet in class...it definitely made me laugh, though, when he began impersonating in the middle of the sidewalk. He drew his light sabre and blocked my way with it, then I gave him a funny, one-eyebrow-raised look and he let me pass, but then started following a few feet behind me, breathing his funny Darth Vader breaths while I rolled my eyes and tried really hard not to laugh. Maybe I should have laughed. Or maybe I should have stolen his light sabre and run off cackling with glee. :)

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

Alleluia, alleluia

This one's for you, Chuck...

I was very sad this morning when I heard that the White Sox won the World Series. Which is strange, because I'm not particularly fond of either team, to tell you the truth. But then it dawned on me - I have friends for whom this actually matters! None of them were really rooting for the White Sox, but one of my friends actually LIVES in Houston, and another one was cheering from Australia, and the general trend here in the office was on the Astros' side, so I joined the collective disappointment that it was all over last night...I'm glad there's more to life than baseball!

That said, my parents called me today - from BRAZIL!!!! It made my day. :)

Of late, I have been reading two phenomenal books by Lauren Winner, a young woman who converted from Judaism to Christianity when she was in graduate school. And she has a very solid and refreshing perspective on life in general, especially on a few key issues the church nowadays tends to gloss over. One of the things she stresses over and over again is that, as human beings, nothing is ever truly individual - as much as sometimes we'd like to think we stand alone, eventually everything we say and do and even think will affect other people and God, and everything about us is inevitably shaped by people and culture and places and the whole of human history and ultimately God. In short, nothing can truly be individual because we were, in fact, made to be part of community, of relationship, in short, of a Body. And one thing she said that has stuck with me is that even something like faith, which we in this day & age consider to be very personal, is not actually individual but corporate. Faith, hope, love, and understanding all take much more than just me, myself, and God sitting down with a Bible and thinking it through, and trying to figure out what's important and what being a disciple of Christ should look like and feel like. I am part of a Body, and I can only hope to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ when I do it together with all the saints! It would take the whole of Scripture, the whole of human history, the whole of church tradition, and the whole body of Christ in all time & space to even come close! And that is immensely refreshing to me. It helps to know sometimes that I'm not a lone ranger forging my way to the heart of God and trying to rescue people along the way, but instead that I'm surrounded by a caravan of people who are also sharing the same journey, and that most importantly of all, God Himself goes with us.

So I went through, in my mind, all the books I've read about the taking hold of and working out of salvation, and all the conversations I've had with peers and friends and professors and my parents and my pastors, and the reflections I've written as I've grown to a deeper knowledge and love of the Triune God, and all the saints who have gone before us. And it's a lot of people! People with whom I can stand and say: "We believe in God, the Father Almighty, the Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord: Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell. The third day He arose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty, whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. We believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen." People with whom I can share the bringing of that faith to action, by together joining the work that God is already doing to bring healing to the broken, freedom to the captive, food to the hungry, and love to the rejected. People who will someday all lift our voices at the foot of the throne of God and of the Lamb and cry, "Blessing and honor and glory and power be to our God forever and ever!"

This is why we take communion and in doing so remind each other that we are made whole by His broken body, and His spilled blood. This is why we pray. This is why baptism is a sacrament, in which we announce to the whole world that we die to ourselves and are raised to new life in Christ, and in which all the other members of the Body pledge to hold us accountable and help us grow. This is why marriage is a sacrament and is a profound mystery, because it is an intentional parallel to the working out of the relationship between Christ and the church. This is why I cannot imagine following the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit alone, because it would be way too monstrous a task. This is why I love being part of a Body that is even now being built up into the fullness of God.

from Henri J.M. Nouwen's The Genesee Diaries:

Sunday, 29 October

During his conference in Chapter this morning, John Eudes said, "Unless our prayer is permanent, our heart is not yet pure." That struck me as very meaningful. John Eudes stressed that not only liturgy but also spiritual reading and manual work are prayer.

Lord, teach me to pray.

Of memories and expectation...

All I have to say is, today, it's been 6 months. 6 months since I sat under a tree behind Fancher Hall with Dan, and we talked about what it meant to live filled with the Holy Spirit, and what it would look like for our relationship to be led by God every step of the way. 6 months since I gave him that first hug and went away with my head spinning at the thought that, maybe, after 21 years of waiting, I could finally let myself fall in love. And I did. I think I can speak for both of us when I say we have grown much, learned much, changed much, come to a deeper and wider understanding of what it means to love and be loved. It has also been a time of great agony and many tears, the most gaping, gushing, throbbing pains I have ever felt, because the vast majority of it has been spent many, many miles apart. But it is also accompanied by the greatest joys I have ever known, the deepest moments of contentment and peace and rest, and our fair share of smiles and laughter. And I wouldn't trade a single moment of it.

This is all thanks to the God who first loved us, who has taken the pain of the world into Himself where it is mixed with joy and forged into the strongest kind of love. Then He fills us with His love that is wide and long and high and deep beyond understanding, and which by a powerful miracle of grace enables us to love. What a wonderful, mind-boggling mystery this is! I will burst forth in songs of gratitude for it all the days of my life.

And it is also 2 months from today that I get to pick Dan up from the airport and "apart" no longer has to be a word in our vocabulary. Oh, what a day that will be!!! :-)

Yes, I finally did it. I gave in and started a blog. I had very many reasons for holding out this long, some of which I was very proud of, and some of which were true, and all of which I will list right now:

(1) - Blogging is a really impersonal way to stay in touch with people. It feels like I'm just putting my thoughts up there for anyone who cares to read them, and we can all read about each other's lives without ever really interacting with each other. I do, in fact, love to read your blogs so I know what's going on in your lives! But it is a poor substitute for dialogue, for heart-sharing, for crying and laughing together, for smiles and hugs and praying together and hashing out controversial topics and tough questions together. And impersonal is the last way I want my communication with my friends to be! Well, because you're my friends, and I love you, and I want my relationship with you to be personal, even if we're hundreds of miles away from each other. I don't want my relationships with you to become superficial, because my heart wants to love you and be loved by you in a very deep and heart-wrenching way!
- Reason why (1) is not enough: I royally stink at staying in touch. With all the good intentions in the world of calling and e-mailing and writing snail mail letters, I somehow have not written or e-mailed or called anyone except my immediate family and Dan since I started my new job in September! I think of you, my wonderful friends, on a daily basis, and lift you up in prayer from the bottom of my heart and trust that God is meeting the deepest needs of your hearts at the level that only He can. But I am somewhat lacking in the execution, and I end up convincing myself that I need to wait for a time and day when I can give you my undivided attention without distractions and without any time constraints. And, frankly, life isn't very conducive to fitting those two criteria! And now that it's been so long, I feel very guilty for not being in touch, and I want to do better, and I'm hoping that this will be a good starting point.

(2) - I don't ever want to become addicted to checking whether or not anyone has commented on my blog. And I don't want to become depressed at seeing "0 comments" at the bottom of that entry for too many days in a row. Because I know myself too well, and I like it when people tell me I'm funny or deep or witty or good with words or a good friend, and when nobody tells me those things, I start believing they're not true.
- Reason why (2) is not enough: This one is something that God is working on in my life, and I guess that we humans will always find it easy to be insecure. There's no two ways about it. Being found in Him doesn't mean that I will automatically feel good about my self, but it means that I make a conscious decision every minute of every day to place myself in His hands and let His love and grace and truth be the food for my soul.

(3) - I never thought that I would have enough time to blog. The only time I have internet access is at work, and at work, well, I'm doing work!
- Reason why (3) is not enough: Like Cherith, I find myself with chunks of time to spare in the middle of my day at work - time in which I need to be sitting at my desk, in front of the computer and next to the phone, but I don't necessarily have anything to do. Not that I have tons of time on my hands, mind you!!! But perhaps a 10-15 minute gap between scheduled tasks once or twice a week, not enough time to get anything productive done, but too much time to fill up by twiddling my thumbs or rearranging the tape and stapler and paperclips and Post-It Notes on my desk into new patterns or checking the news for the umpteenth time. So I may indeed have time to update a blog.

(4) - Even as a non-blogger, I have always been able to read and comment on everyone else's blog, so I felt like I got all of the benefits without the responsibilities of updating my own blog and trying to figure out what was or wasn't appropriate to post.
- Reason why (4) is not enough: I just read Chuck's blog about the Trinity, and I was inspired to write a lengthy comment in which I resoundingly AMEN-ed him. But it wouldn't let me post the comment because I wasn't a blogger myself. So, that was the last straw, and I finally caved.

All that to say, my reasons and excuses aren't good enough! (And, please, please comment on my blog every once in a while...) And I promise that this won't keep me from e-mailing you and calling you and writing you on a very personal and individual basis! :-)