I feel like Peter.

You know, Simon Peter, after he had denied Jesus and the rooster crowed and he wept. Well, I have been having a dialogue with God similar to that one that Jesus had with Peter by the Sea of Galilee, after He came back from the dead, after He made his disciples catch amazing boatloads of fish once again like he had before. The dialogue in which Jesus asks, "Peter, do you truly love me more than these?", and then again, "Peter, do you truly love me?", and then the third time, that really hurt, "Peter, do you love me?" "Yes, Lord, You know I love you." "Then feed my sheep...Follow me."

My dialogue was not by a sea after fishing, but in my car, on my way home from watching The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with Kat, Paul, Sean, Amy, and Jeff Brown. And I was remembering how Lucy was always the one to see the right way, Aslan's way, even when others called it nonsense. Like going back to Narnia, or trusting the Beavers. Like in Prince Caspian when she decided she would follow Aslan down the cliffs and up the other side of the gorge even if she had to do it alone, though the others couldn't see him. Or countless other times when she was the only one who saw Him or understood what was going on. I was crying out to God because I wanted to see, I wanted to understand, but I didn't. I was begging Him to show me what He was doing that I couldn't see yet, and as the tears blurred my eyes so I could hardly see the road anymore, I heard Him say those words He said to Peter that day, "Do you love me?" "Yes, Lord. Beyond a shadow of a doubt."

Then, gently, a different question: "Then do you trust me?"
Tentatively: "Yes...But..."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes...But..."
The third time, the one that hurt: "DO YOU TRUST ME?"
(Long pause...I grip the steering wheel tighter...take a deep breath...let out a long sigh...) "Yes."

Ouch. You got me.

"Then follow Me."

And I know that I can do nothing else. There are no other options that even come close.